Aaahhhh this has to be a quick post because I'm going off to bed once my laundry is done, since I've to get up at 4.00am tomorrow morning to catch my flight to Phoenix, Arizona. Spring Break has begun and I'm off to the Grand Canyon for the whole week, for a backpacking trip! It'll be an awesome time- taking time off from school, crew practice, so that I can revel in the nature that is God's creation. No ergs for a week! Probably will go running in the depths of the canyon, though, if we manage to camp anywhere for an extended period of time. I'm pumped. It's gonna be sweet. Okay catch you guys when I get back!

And here's a teaser photo:

I know I haven't posted in a long time, but as I mentioned in my last entry, these few weeks have been tremendously busy ones and so I've hardly had time to breathe, much less blog about how things have been going. My Great Books midterm is tomorrow, and I've still got to finish revising. This midterm is a pretty hefty one, here's the list of the texts we'll be tested on:

Plato: The Symposium, Phaedo, The Republic
Virgil: The Aeneid
The Bible: Genesis, Exodus, Job

Philosophy really isn't my thing. Plato just about kills me.

Anyway just some quotes that Efrem sent me, which I find extremely inspirational. And I hope you will, too.

***
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."
-- 1 Corinthians 9:24.

"Everybody wants to know what I'm on.
What am I on?
I'm on my bike busting my ass six hours a day.
What are you on?"
-- Lance Armstrong

"The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it."
-- Juhn Ruskin

"Those who want to succeed will find a way; those who don't will find an excuse."
-- Leo Aguila

***

Go watch Torino 2006 Winter Olympics short track speed skating on NBCOlympics.com!

I'm such a good procrastinator sometimes, I can't stand it. Haha. Right now I'm in the basement of the spanking new academic center, in the computer lab, and I'm pretty sure I had every intention to start on revision for my political science midterm next Monday. But instead, all I've accomplished in about thirty-five minutes of sitting in front of the computer is surf about 4 food blogs, a couple of friends' blogs, check my email, eat half a granola bar, and trying to think of more ways I can possibly put off the loathsome revision till sometime else. I've got rowing practice in about an hour and a half's time, not looking forward to that really, but the good thing about that is that it gives me the license to eat many many many many many many many many many many many many bowls of mashed sweet potatoes tonight at dinner. I'm always excited when there's sweet potatoes at dinner. There aren't many types of food at the dorms that stir up similar anticipation in me. Well, okay, perhaps there are a couple. Oatmeal, of course. Cream of wheat is pretty darn good too. BBQ Baked Beans! (Okay I know, they're not exactly gourmet cuisine in any way, but STILL). Salmon. Orzo's great. And Tunisian Greens with Peanuts! Hahaha now you know all about my odd eating habits. Whatever. Haha! Sigh I suppose I should be getting to work now. Ugh. The aforementioned sweet potatoes will be my motivation for the next couple of hours. Ooohh this is exciting. :)

This has been one hell of a physically, mentally, and emotionally draining week. It's just about impossible to list down everything that's happened in the course of the past seven days, but it's definitely not all that worth mulling about. First, I discovered (not to much surprise) that pulling a 6k trial when you're hit by a virus that's been bugging you for the past two weeks isn't the wisest thing to do. I've never ever felt so much like just getting off the erg in the middle of rowing before. Thankfully, I didn't, because I don't think I'd ever forgive myself, had I done that. But that was definitely a most painful experience. And after the 6k trial came a series of letdowns which weren't the best tonic for my battered morale, and I had to reacquaint myself with the fact that some things just won't happen because they're simply out of my control. But it's heartbreaking, nonetheless, because I've got the results to prove my abilities, just that I'm denied by some other factors which I'm powerless to alter, for the life of me. But as usual, life goes on- and as the adage goes, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". Very nearly killed myself (with that 6k), and I hope that going through all this crap and disappointments will only help to mold me further. Perhaps that's what really matters, in the very end.

The weekend was pretty good, though, because I managed to complete my readings and even finish some extra ones (by extra I mean readings beyond the first lesson of each week), finish my German journal without procrastinating till the hour before Monday's class like I typically do, and get started on my Great Books essay about Virgil's Aeneid (thinking of the beginning is usually the hardest part of any essay for me). Had a great dinner at that lovely Indian Vegetarian hole-in-the-wall last night, and joined three other Singaporeans (Efrem, Edwin and Aileen) for a 10-mile training run held by the Tortoise and Hare Running Store. It was an extremely well-organized training run (in testament to the fact that Ann Arbor is quite a sports' lover's town), with mile markers along the looping, scenic route, and drinks and gels at the 5-mile station. And there was a storewide sale and free pizza at the store at the end of the run (the sale I like, but I can barely comprehend why they'd distribute free pizza- it isn't exactly the healthiest thing to consume, especially when you're dealing with a whole bunch of supposed fitness aficionados). It was a good run and a great way for me to get my recovery cardio in- ran at around 60% of intensity since Sunday is technically the only off day I have from practice, and so I didn't want to push too hard since there's a Level 1 erg workout on the schedule tomorrow. I'm quite a fan of the running community and culture here in the USA- it's really heartening how runners never fail to wave or say hi when they pass you, going in the opposite direction- it's such a simple gesture but it never fails to brighten up my mood especially in the middle of a long run by myself, which can get pretty dreary sometimes. And it's interesting to see how there are two very distinct groups of people here- the fat and sedentary, and the extremely fit people. The sporting culture in the USA is great, if you know where to look. If not, all you'll probably see are the obese masses gorging themselves on Triple Whoppers and White Castle sliders.

Well there's still much more to be done, with two midterms coming up next week- but at least there's Spring Break to be looked forward to! For the uninformed, I'm going to Arizona for a 7-day sojourn in the Grand Canyon- a field camp of sorts, it's a backpacking trip where we'll be carrying everything we've brought along on our backs and spending 5 nights outfield. I'm looking forward to it, even though I'm more inclined towards sports than adventure- it's time I reacquainted myself with some semblance of military, outdoorsy skills, and it'll more than replace my cardio/strength workouts for the week. Because, as stated on the trip website- climbing out of the Grand Canyon is comparable to climbing a 300-storey skyscraper. Except that you don't have the added privilege of proper steps to aid you in your ascent, rather, you've got to navigate your way through a mass of crumbly rocks and stones, steep precipices, the like. I'm pumped!

Thanks to Daffy, I've created my own South Park character! It's marvelously addictive. Don't laugh at me. C'mon, I know you're secretly dying to make your own as well. Who wouldn't want to be immortalized as Kenny (in more ways than one)? So here you go!

“Anything is possible. You can be told that you have a 90-percent chance or a 50-percent chance or a 1-percent chance, but you have to believe, and you have to fight.”
- Lance Armstrong

***
So I suppose it'll be biking next semester.

Thank you so much. You'll never know what that meant to me. That's why I'd never trade our friendship for anything else in the world.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

- Psalm 23

I put this song on repeat, cranked up the intensity on the spinning bike, and lost myself in the frenzy of cardio for an hour. It's awesome. Hahahahahahaha! Boybands exist for a reason. Don't know what I'd do without them.

***
I will never stop until you're mine
I can wait forever till the end of time
'Cause my heart is in your hands
Don't you understand
I'll never stop

Do you believe me
When my heart is in your hands
***

On another note, an article I found in the Ann Arbor Paper. Pretty interesting. Only because I was searching for Leo Zulueta, on the account that he's perhaps one of the best tribal tattoo artists ever. And it's so coincidental that he's set up shop right down the street in Ann Arbor, MI. What luck. I've seen actual specimens of his work, and it's mighty impressive.

Leo Zulueta has been called the “father of tribal tattooing.” The Hawaii native got his start over 20 years ago in California and has since become a legend in the tattoo world, known for his distinctive heavy black designs inspired by the tattoos of the Marquesas Islands in Polynesia. A couple of years ago, he disappeared. Some people even said he was dead. The truth is that after a couple of years spent at various international tattoo conventions, Zulueta is happily settled with partner Dianne Mansfield in Michigan. They opened Spiral Tattoo in a sunny space on Packard in February.




I've got a teammate who's planning to get inked on what I perceive to be the part of the body that'll hurt the most. Okay, maybe not the most, but it's going to hurt really bad. She's intending on getting a Gaelic word (I can't remember what word, she told me and I promptly forgot) tattooed on the surface of her foot, just beneath the toes- the place where the sandal strap meets the skin. Owwww.

Remember my weights logbook? I'm pretty sure the rest of the RJcanoeing girls do. Originally, I began using it during the first three months in NJcanoeing, conscientiously recording the details of every practice we had, but I left off once I transferred to RJC after the release of the 'A'Level results. I resurrected it when Huilin, the captain of the J2 team when we were in JC1, mentioned that ideally we ought to keep a logbook of the weights we were using to facilitate keeping track of our progress and so we wouldn't have to select random weights everytime we did a workout. So this logbook has been with me, and I've used it since.

It's filled with scribblings of my workouts and weights used, interspersed with random flashes of artistic brilliance courtesy of several of my teammates, who either used it as a platform to deride my affinity and overenthusiasm for fitness and exercise, or as a tool to profess their eligibility (and desperation) lest I happened to forget and leave my book in a random gym and someone (a desirable male, they hoped) would happen to chance across it. But unfortunately that didn't happen, and the book came with me over to Michigan, where I've been making great use of it- not so much for recording lifting workouts because I use the computers for that purpose, but more for writing down erg times for the rowing workouts that I've been doing.

You might have noticed the proliferation of motivational quotes on my blog of late, including my most recent entry which was comprised entirely of them. I've taken to scribbling some of my personal favorites at various intervals in my book, so that when I'm sitting on the erg, preparing for a workout, I can just flip through the pages and somehow garner inspiration from those words. It's pretty miraculous how a couple of words somehow gel together to form a phrase which you can glean strength from. The resounding nature and value of those sentences are just unmistakable, and personally I find that they help to reacquaint me with the nature of the task (or challenge) at hand, and enable me to focus.

I guess no one will ever be able to understand the apprehension that wells up within me at times especially when it comes to rowing, the challenges I find myself baulking at, the things I've to go through in the process of practice. And it's an everyday affair, it's not just a one-off occasion where you row till you pass out and go home and never come back again. Rather, I come back everyday for more, and more, and die everyday just to return and do it all over again. See, I know everyone will say it's plain stupid to do this to myself. But there are things I see in it that perhaps no one else will share. Sometimes I take a step back and I do think I'm insane. And occasionally when I stop to think about it, I can't for the life of me figure out why I do such things to myself. I never was like that before. It eludes me. But then the clouds clear from my thoughts and I realize that perhaps I can't define it, but to put it in the basest of terms, it's a challenge, a race to outdo myself. Pushing the limits beyond what I fathomed achievable for myself.

We'll see how it goes.

You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.
- Abraham Lincoln

Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt. Thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead.
- Roger Bannister

Don't accept that others know you better than yourself. Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results.
- James Allen

The winners in life think constantly in terms of I can, I will, and I am. Losers, on the other hand, concentrate their waking thoughts on what they should have or would have done, or what they can't do.
- Dennis Waitley

When a goal matters enough to a person, that person will find a way to accomplish what at first seemed impossible.
- Nido Qubein


The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out and meet it.
- Thucydides

Never underestimate the heart of a champion.
- Rudy Tomjanovich

No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown.
- William Penn

One of the redeeming things about being an athlete is redefining what is humanly possible.
- Lance Armstrong

The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win.
- Roger Bannister

Champions aren't made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision.
- Muhammed Ali

Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.
- Vincent Lombardi

UMSSA (UMich Singapore Students' Association) organized Chinese New Year 2006 Celebration yesterday night at the Trotter Multicultural House. About a hundred and fifty Singaporeans turned up, more than I've ever seen at any other SSA event since coming to UMich. There're about 200 Singaporeans currently studying at UMich, and I believe I haven't met most of them personally. Anyway the SSA did a pretty good job decorating Trotter House, with festive red streamers and hongbaos and lucky couplets, which did contribute a great deal to fostering the Chinese New Year atmosphere and cheer. Tommy even baked egg tarts and there was a table of traditional goodies like shrimp rolls, kueh bangkit, White Rabbit sweets, peanut cookies and the like.

Dinner was a seven-course affair from TK Wu, which is probably the next best deal to authentic Chinese cooking you'll find in Ann Arbor. It wasn't half bad, but I guess most of us were there more for the people rather than the food. Here's a shot of the cold dish, which we found quite amusing: Can someone explain the proliferation of raw leafy vegetables right smack in the middle of the platter? Who's going to eat those?

Anyway the highlight of the meal was probably the mainstay of any Chinese New Year dinner- yu sheng! Okay perhaps it isn't yu sheng in the traditional sense of the word, since everything looks strangely orange in the picture (it WAS strangely orange in reality). It was more of an amalgamation of salmon, carrots, radishes (?), prawn crackers and a sweet-and-sour-concoction (in place of plum sauce, supposedly) courtesy of Wilson. But it was amazingly good considering the odds they were up against- I mean, where in Ann Arbor can you possibly find half the ingredients needed for yu sheng?

And of course we did the lo-hei! After which much of the yu sheng ended up on the table as well as Jeff's shirt.

I didn't stay long, leaving almost immediately after dinner was over. There were Winning Eleven tournaments, mahjong, karaoke competitions and the like after dinner but I'm honestly not into late nights. I much prefer sleeping. Hahaha basically I have like no social life and I'm proud of it okay. Hahaha. Anyway this is a shot of our table! On the left from foreground is: Ted, Jeff, Amy, Wei Siong, and on the right it's: Jian Wei, Wilson, me, Alvin.

Anyway, Happy New Year everyone!

oh no, i am tagged!! :)

Below Are The Rules:

Rule 1: 5 weird or random things about myself.

1. I used to be a fat dweeb who hated oatmeal and vegetables and just about any form of healthy food. I had a particular fondness for KFC Cheese Fries, all things battered and deep-fried, and just about anything that Wilson spends his days dreaming about right now. Hahahaha.

2. Currently, I have deemed that a scab on my knee particularly fascinating and so I'm picking away at it even though it's not a good thing to do. It's oddly occupying, and strangely satisfying- though it hurts like billy-oh it's worth it anyway. Well, the rule specifically mentioned WEIRD things!

3. I have a 2km trial on the ergometer in 3 hours' time and my insides feel like they're about ready to spill out at any moment now. Though the whole affair's supposed to last for only 7-8 minutes, you can't underestimate just how thoroughly, indescribably tortuous and painful this short duration is going to be. Simply put, it's like a 400m race where you can't sprint all-out like you would if you were running 100m, but you can't hold back either like in a 10k where you'd conserve your energy and spread it evenly throughout the race. So it's a fine line between flying and dying and I'm not sure I've discovered the happy medium yet.

4. This is terribly embarrassing but I think Britney Spears' "Stronger" is the best song to erg to at the end of a piece when you're doing your last burst. Coupled with her shrieks, the lyrics and tempo somehow manage to work wonders when you're gasping like a fish out of water and have 100m more to go.

5. I love tau huay with barley and peanut pancakes and I think Jollibean should establish a franchise in the USA and situate an outlet in Ann Arbor. Heck, I'd even work there. I could probably single-handedly keep them in business.

Rule 2: 5 People whom I would like to see do this quiz.
1. philip
2. weez
3. ted
4. mag
5. liwei! :)

Rule 3: Next, leave a comment "You are tagged!" on their blog, and ask them to read your blog for rules.

Usually I don't even bother glancing at the pop-ups that appear on my screen everytime I turn on my computer. But this particular one caught my eye. It's of the movie "Annapolis" which opens in theaters nationwide tomorrow, Friday, 27th January. I'm not sure if it'll be shown in Singapore, but I suppose it will be. What caught my eye was the synopsis and the trailer. I copied the synopsis down and pasted it below- go read it for yourself and you'll see just exactly why I found it so fascinating.

It looks like a promising film. I'm raring to go catch it just that I don't know if I'll have the time to, but hey buddy, (yes, you, my sleepy-headed buddy, you know who you are hahaha) I think you should definitely catch this if it comes out in Singapore. Read the belowmentioned and you'll see why.


Movie Synopsis:

It's known as one of the toughest institutions in America--a home for the best and brightest who are driven to serve their country and a training facility where only the strongest survive. It's a rarified world that, by necessity, makes or breaks tomorrow's heroes. And for local Maryland kid Jake Huard the United States Naval Academy at Annapolis has been a lifelong dream he never thought could come true. Only now that it has, he is about to realize that his battle to become the man he always wanted to be is only just beginning.

Jake was raised to believe his future lay as a laborer in the Annapolis shipyards--like everyone else in his family before him. But to his disbelief, Jake has defied the odds and become one of the rare few accepted to Annapolis along with some of the most elite young men and women in the country. When he arrives, his dream soon looks like it might turn into a nightmare. As a freshman plebe, Jake is immediately thrown into a pressure-cooker atmosphere that threatens to be his undoing. Just as it seems Jake could become another Annapolis statistic, he takes one last shot at proving his potential. He meets an unlikely ally in his beautiful, stunningly strong military superior, Ali, who also happens to secretly be a skilled boxing trainer.

Jake decides to train for the legendary Navy boxing competition, a creator of future leaders known as the Brigade Championships. Now, there remains only one thing standing between Jake and the triumph he needs--the steel-jawed company commander, Midshipman Lt. Cole.

Everything Jake has ever hoped for stands in the balance--the chance to make his father proud, the chance to stand up for his fellow plebes and, most of all, the opportunity to fight for a better future.

Check this movie out here
.

***
Well, I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough
To let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
***

Keith Urban Tonight I Wanna Cry

Before certain people start reading too much into this, I'll have you know that perhaps you shouldn't bother. Go do your homework. Hahaha.

A glimpse into my life...

This is our Erg Room. Doesn't it look most inviting? (Okay, it looks significantly more welcoming once the lights have been switched on). This is where I spend the better part of my afternoons, every day.

People end up here, en route to the Olympics. Look closely at the list- No. 3, Kate Johnson, former Michigan rower, medalled at the 2004 Olympics. Can you imagine just how honored I am to be training in the midst of All-Americans, U.S. National Team members, and future Olympians?

And how could I ever forget this? The object of my affection, up close and personal. Ahh words fail me. Just get on it and row your ass off.

Psyche up, Wolverines!
Today evening marked the opening of the Michigan's Men Gymnastics team's competition season, with a matchup against Big Ten rival and fellow gymnastics powerhouse Penn State, at Cliff Keen Arena. The Novice Women's Rowing team came to a consensus that we would be hard-pressed to find a better alternative form of entertainment (on a Saturday night, no less) than lithe, muscular men clad in spandex cavorting on a selection of apparatus. So a number of us traipsed down to Cliff Keen after a brief dinner at Big Ten Burrito and spent a decidedly enjoyable two hours watching the thrilling matchup unfold between the rival college teams. Though the atmosphere was nowhere as electrifying as that of football gamedays in the Michigan Stadium, owing to the obvious fact that the crowd in attendance could in no way rival the number of football fans who make the pilgrimage to the revered sanctity of the Big House, the audience was suitably enthusiastic and supportive. Just an aside thought- it strikes me as somewhat odd that more support is given to a sport where a leather ball is placed on the line, rather than a sport where athletes place their own bodies on the line. I'd pick the latter any day.

Above all, however, the men's gym team members were tremendously psyched and pumped- you could see it in their faces, the shouts of jubilation and "Go BLUE!" whenever a team member nailed an impossibly challenging move, the never-ending encouragement despite mistakes which inevitably happened, the high-fives and slaps on the back a member would receive once he completed his routine and stepped off the mat.

Hangin' Tough.
It's that sort of team spirit and camaraderie which is of utmost importance to me, and it's something you'll only find in sports. And perhaps, even more so in Michigan, where such a high premium is placed on athletics due to our NCAA Division I status, as well as the fact that it's such a large school and thus possesses an incredible amount of resources that are necessary to fund athlete development. I can barely describe how wowed I was upon making the rowing team and hearing about the tremendous level of support that Michigan offers its varsity athletes. Sure, the free Nike gear cuts it (Even right now I'm still pretty amazed at the number of swoosh-emblazoned freebies I've received- sweatshirt, sweatpants, t-shirt, spandex shorts, Dri-fit long-sleeved mock top, socks, sports bra -I must say I truly admire their attention to detail-, shoes, and even a Nike wheeled travel bag for training and competition trips), but we've also got access to sports nutritionists, strength and conditioning coaches, and sports therapists whose sole purposes are to provide the necessary help and assistance we might need in the course of improving our athletic abilities.

Not forgetting the new academic center built solely for varsity athletes with tutors for just about every class offered in the University, computing options, study tables, and even (I thought this was quite funny, because the rest of my teammates immediately turned and looked at me when this was announced to our team) satellite TV which can broadcast local TV shows from a large number of countries around the globe. Even though I can barely foresee myself watching Chinese drama serials or a Singlish sitcom, while the rest of the people around me strain to discern how a curly-haired man with an obtrusive facial mole and yellow Wellingtons can possibly be a legitimate source of entertainment to people in the country I hail from.

But the pride and honor of being a Michigan Varsity Athlete surpasses, by far, any of the abovementioned material incentives that comes from donning the Maize and Blue. It's the lessons you learn and the memories you acquire- that unforgettable day in the erg room where you wheezed your way through 20 sets of 40-second all-out sprints with 20-second breaks but felt proud afterward that you hadn't let up on the pace despite the overwhelming urge to; squeezing out that last rep on the leg press machine, face contorted in agony at the immense strain; catching a crab while rowing all eights, cannonballing out of your foot stretchers and landing in a dishevelled heap on the lap of your bemused fellow rower behind; the wintry cold of the early mornings where all you want to do is burrow into bed and the last thing on your mind is flinging off the covers and picking your way through the slush and snow to make it down for 6:30am practice.

Being a varsity athlete calls for enormous levels of sacrifice and self-control- as my coach always exhorts us, the onus is on us to make wise decisions that we know will be beneficial to us. Basically, just not to lose our head and do stupid things that are potentially regrettable, given the temptations and vices that abound in a typical American college scenario. It's a great lesson in personal development and growth, and you wouldn't be able to understand just how blessed I feel at having such an opportunity occur to me. Maybe upon reading this, as well as a couple of my previous entries, you'd be tempted to think that all I ever rave about is rowing and how it's made me a better person and blah blah blah and dismiss it as mere hype and overenthusiasm, perhaps even arrogance. But I guess it's impossible to truly understand the feeling without having experienced it. Going to the men's gym meet reinforced the realization that I am indeed proud to be a Michigan Wolverine and when it comes to the crunch, I'll put my head down, push past the pain and give back to Michigan all it's given me.

Bleedin' Maize and Blue- and Damn Frickin' Proud of it.

Quote of the Day:
I hated every minute of training, but I said, ''Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.''
- Muhammad Ali

Wow I've been super busy lately. It's back to the full swing of things, once again. Gosh I can't really think of anything significant to blog about, because there haven't been any momentous happenings that have taken place since I've been back. The UMich SSA (Singapore Students' Association) is organizing a Chinese New Year dinner for all its members next Saturday, which is something pretty worth looking forward to, since, for the first time for as long as I can remember, I won't be traipsing down to relatives' and friends' places to indulge in traditional festive goodies or collecting my hongbaos. But of course I've delegated my parents to accept them on my behalf, so at least I won't be missing out on too much. Anyway I've heard pretty strange comments about the dinner the SSA organizes yearly in commemoration of CNY- two of my seniors have already remarked that the food "looks Chinese, but doesn't really taste Chinese". Well, I guess that's pretty much the deal with all sorts of Chinese-esque food in the USA. No matter how much you try to dress it up with shallots and spring onions and other forms of Oriental garnishes, the taste remains essentially American. But that doesn't bother me too much because I'm not pining away for local Singaporean food or impossibly faultless Chinese cuisine; unlike some of my Singaporean counterparts here in UMich who heckle about the dearth of good Chinese food incessantly. And sometimes they go on a roll and begin complaining about Ann Arbor being far too small for their liking, especially when compared with a metropolitan city like Singapore, and that there's just about absolutely nothing to do here. Even though some of these people are arguably my closer friends in UMich, and people I do find extremely endearing (in most other aspects of day-to-day life), it just irks me when they start whining and griping about all these issues. It doesn't make the slightest bit of sense to me, at all. Granted, Ann Arbor's a college town and can't boast of the sort of vibrancy that emanates from megapolises like New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles- but it's characterized by a more dynamic, youthful vibe that comes from the presence of the large resident student population, and a homely feel that hails from the closeness of the surrounding suburban community. And if urban life is what you've always wanted, why didn't you apply somewhere else in the first place and save the $70 application fee to UMich- like to UCLA or NYU or someplace you'd feel more at home- or, alternatively, stay in Singapore where you've got the comforts of home, Orchard Road, and tropical weather, and also where you could save ten times the money you're paying for a U-M degree (and perhaps splurge it on supper every night at Jalan Kayu or Newton Hawker Center)? My take on this whole issue is: Give it up, quit complaining because it's only going to make you feel more miserable especially if all you can think about is Ghim Moh char kuay teow as a tear rolls down your face and splashes into your plate of TK Wu's Taiwanese-Style Fried Noodles (just about the closest you can get to the former). Go participate in some form of college activity! I'm testament to the fact that Michigan Rowing is perhaps what characterizes my life, and it's incredible what you learn, and the friends you make, through the shared experiences. If you're only going to confine yourself to Singaporeans and other international Asian students, you're never going to break out of that insular circle you've constructed around yourself, and things will never change. Besides, sports keeps you occupied and healthy and those are two marvelous bonuses in themselves. I guess what I've said pretty much applies to anyone who's in college right now and looking to define their lives or add some meaning to an otherwise mundane, everyday, existence. There's so much you can learn and so much that's up for grabs if you just choose to acknowledge the presence of new things you can try, activities you can venture into, and so on.

Me and a couple of my rowing teammates.

Here's a shot of our trip down to Whole Foods Market along Washtenaw yesterday after practice, which we thought it'd do us good to immortalize, explaining this nifty picture. Whole Foods Market is this incredible fresh produce grocery store which is wholly organic and stocks all sorts of wonderful foods. It's an amazing place and just about my favorite destination for groceries, even though the prices are admittedly a little steep. Then again, you're paying for quality which is unparalleled by the Meijers and Krogers and Wal-Marts and all the other giant American supermarket chains, whose aisles are jam-packed with Little Debbie Cream Cakes and Frito-Lays and just about every brand of junk food America has come to being lovingly associated with. So Whole Foods is, pretty much, a haven for those of us who remain largely distant from the enigmatic lure of hydrogenated oils lurking beneath brightly-colored wrappers and disarmingly cheap prices. After all, you know Americans- they're a sucker for what they assume to be "great value"- just throw together a couple of packages of doughnuts, Glad-wrap them together, knock fifty cents off the combined selling price and slap on a 'SALE' tag, and the next thing you know, they're flying off the shelves and into shopping carts.

Anyway, back to Whole Foods. Liz P (that's the girl with the colorful scarf, second from right) and I have been intending to go shopping there together ever since last year. It's been quite a while, but somehow or other we've always managed to find ourselves unable to agree on a time for us to go, since we've always got something or other to do, like rowing practice, or homework, or some other similarly urgent preoccupation. However, we finally got around to going together yesterday, and it was pretty awesome. You might wonder- how can you possibly derive so much pleasure from, of all things, grocery shopping? But you see, 1. grocery shopping's always fun when you go with like-minded people, 2. rowers are perpetually hungry, 3. Whole Foods in Ann Arbor is a store unlike any other, and 4. (the most important- without which all the previously-mentioned factors fade into insignificance) there are samples of just about every sort of food around every corner of the store, no matter into which aisle you turn into. And you see, even if there aren't samples, you can always somehow conjure up a sample. Okay that sounded a little cryptic, but then again, I can't exactly go around proclaiming my food-phishing techniques to the masses, can I? Hahaha. But take it from me, I can get you samples. Ooohh, that last statement is a pun in itself. I marvel at my ingenuity. :)

Oh, by the way, don't you just love my template? I think it's hilarious. Hahahaha. And especially to Wilson Liu Weiyuan, this is a celebration of the clogged arteries to come! Hahahahaha! Okay lah, typically I wouldn't wish clogged arteries on anyone, but since you're always likening me to a bovine creature due to my taste for vegetables, this blog template is dedicated as a special tribute to you, Wilson. Okay, I can just see you brandishing a steak knife and hunting me down in South Quad so I think I should stop right here.

I was just clearing my email inbox and look what I came across. Apparently I'm still part of the SeconomicsRJC Yahoogroup, the name speaks for itself- it's a group comprising all the past and present 'S' paper economists in RJC. I don't particularly think I deserve to be part of this group, since my reasons for taking 'S' level economics were more pragmatic rather than for purposes of actual interest. But whatever. Anyway, I chuckled to myself upon reading the following email sent by our beloved Jamie Reeves- it does seem like nothing's changed, two years on.

***
Dear 'S' Paper Economists (class of 2006)

No college this Tuesday, so there will be a session
this Thursday (12th) in LT6, and I would like everyone
to attend, or as many as possible. I will be
conducting the session, and we will take a look at the
November exam paper, which was the best paper set in
the last decade.

In the normal run of things there will be two sessions
each week - Tuesday & Thursday - and you will choose
to attend one of the two sessions. (note: alternatively, you can conveniently choose not to attend any of them at all, like what my dearest friend gaya did, though it is highly unadvised that you do so.)

Mr. Sowden will conduct the lessons in the following
week, when he will conduct the post mortem on the
first essay. He tells me that so far he has failed
every single essay marked. Welcome to the world of 'S'
Paper!

I look forward to meeting you all on Thursday.

Mr. Reeves
***

Which reminds me that I never received anything better than an 'U+' (Ungraded Plus- like the plus makes a hell of a difference!) until the 'A' Levels. So all you 'S' paper economists out there (unlucky souls), don't worry too much about it because you'll probably come through in the end!

This is a special post, for an incredibly special person to me.

Hey partner-

It's amazing how much we've both gone through together. The journey's been pretty spectacular, in fact. And even though there's just about... well, a couple of thousand miles, to say the least, between us right now, it's just so cool how our relationship transcends the distance. That's something which has always fascinated me. I believe there's some things we'll both never forget- paddling together in RJC13, the times we spent together, all those insane things we did, and just about a ton of other memories that are so precious to me. I expect you feel the same as well. Anyway I just wanted to let you know that the times we had in the last two weeks were pretty sweet- and hang in there because it's only a matter of four months before I'll be back and we can go tear up Macritchie again. Hahahaha. And I guess only you know how much you've always meant to me. Take care back there.

- Fengyi

A response to a comment left with regards to my previous post, just so it makes for easier viewing. :)

Penelope>> hey Penelope! It's good to hear from you. Anyway, I'd love to tell you more about my experiences, because as I mentioned, they're a part of my life that is arguably irreplaceable and which I'd never trade for anything else in the world. And you're right- focusing on the big picture does help tremendously especially when you're overwhelmed with all the small issues that you feel aren't important- say, the military regimentation and all, but which your superiors and instructors can't seem to stop raving about. Anyway, hang in there- I know the transition from civilian to military life is no small one, and it's definitely not an easy time. But you'll be okay. Perhaps you'd like to leave your email address so I can reach you? By the way, mine is fengyi@umich.edu- not sure if you girls remembered it from the other day, but if not, here you go again! Hope to hear from you soon.

Oh, I just felt like blogging about this random event, for some reason or another. Anyway, I was asked on Friday by MINDEF Scholarship Centre when I dropped by for a visit if I'd like to return to OCS at SAFTI and share my experiences with regards to the entire SAF Merit Scholarship (Women) process with this year's batch of provisional scholars. They felt I'd be the best person to do so because of my unique acquaintance with both the RSAF as well as the Army. I jumped at the chance, because I was overwhelmingly curious to find out whether 2006's provisional awardees were every bit as eminent as 2005's had been -cough-, and also because I felt that both they and I would gain from this opportunity. So it was duly arranged for me to go down to OCS on Saturday morning to give a brief talk to the scholars. It felt good being back in SAFTI, but it did take me a while to adjust to the fact that I was no longer a cadet but an officer (and somewhat undeservedly so, considering how all the SAF scholarship holders are commissioned before deferring for studies, putting off the remainder of the military training till after college or during vacation). But of course the privilege of being an officer comes with many expectations and responsibilities that have to be shouldered and upheld, and it's definitely no small matter.

It was great seeing my PC and APCs during BMT when I returned to Sierra Wing, though it did feel odd not having to salute them, although I still made it a point to address them with the due respect. While I was waiting in the wingline prior to the talk, I found it rather amusing how scenes from my very own BMT experiences replayed before my eyes, except with an entirely new batch of cadets this time around. I'm sure my platoon mates will never be able to forget the sound of Ma'am Chan's unmistakable voice booming from four flights down- "OEIIIIIIIIIII! HOW LONG YOU ALL NEED TO CHANGE AND COME DOWN??" followed by the sound of scurrying footsteps from above, a tousled head peeking over the stairwell in deference to the order, saying "Yes Ma'am, we're coming down!"- and seconds later, a series of cadets tumbling down the stairs in quick succession, uniforms in various states of disarray, the most common complaint being that of Janie-sleeves (Hahaha I'm sure everyone in 39th WOCC will have no problem whatsoever figuring out what Janie-sleeves are). Anyway so that's how the cadets were, and I could barely hide my amusement at seeing history reproduce itself in such fine fashion.

The talk went excellently, as it was a topic that I could wax lyrical on due in large part to the fact that I'd been through just about everything and emerged with fond (and not-so-fond, but no less valuable) memories of my times in BMT and OCS. This year's batch of provisional scholars were, without a doubt, an interesting bunch- much more vocal than my year's, and I was faced with a barrage of questions that ranged from the serious, "Did you experience any low points during the course of your military training? How'd you face them and manage to overcome them successfully?" to the not-so-serious, but no doubt as important, "How'd you ever manage to squeeze everything into Pack 2 (of the field pack?) My toothbrush always causes the Ziploc bag to burst because it's too long! Do you think I can replace the SAF-issued one with a shorter one instead?" As you can see, I enjoyed myself immensely in my short but fruitful encounter with this vivacious bunch. They'd only been in OCS for all of 5 days, prior to my visit, and were still struggling to adjust to the duress of military regimentation. But I'm sure they'll make it through, and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing more of them when I return to Singapore in May.

I returned to Ann Arbor yesterday and was surprised at my ability to adjust seamlessly back into school-going mode. It was almost like I hadn't left at all, which I guess is good, because I'd originally thought it'd take me a while to get acclimatised to the busyness of college life and rowing practice and everything all over again. Anyway, it wasn't that bad after all. Somehow I felt pretty happy to be back in Michigan after the two weeks spent in Singapore- even though it is going to be another four months before I find myself embarking on another twenty-hour journey across the Pacific and back home. But then again, I'll be able to spend a far longer time in Singapore then, so that's definitely something worth looking forward to. I just attended my very first lecture of the winter term for 2006- POLSCI 160, or World Politics, which seems potentially interesting- a change from Comparative Politics, which I enjoyed immensely, but it's always good to learn something new. I'm really thankful that I no longer have 8am classes up on North Campus. I'm fine with the 8am bit, just that the trip up North was a tremendous pain the whole of last semester, and I'm glad that I've got no more reason to go up there anymore. My schedule for this semester is pretty decent- no classes on Friday (that's my primary criteria when scheduling classes), I start at 10am on Monday and 9am on the next 3 days. And so that gives me plenty of room to start planning my workout times and regimes- I do miss being hardcore. Hahaha.

I had every good intention to go for a run today at 11am after POLSCI lecture, just that my legs are currently rebelling and are a tad wobbly, especially after that hideously tiring leg press this morning during weights with the rest of the crew team. Back to proper training after a couple of days off- I'll have to wean myself back into it. Which is why I'm sitting beside my bed and typing out this entry instead. But I suppose that's good, since I haven't really blogged anything substantial in quite a while! Anyway there's erg practice at 3.15pm later on in the afternoon, so that should be enough exertion for the day. I'll only let myself off the hook today, and no more.

ahhh I love you so much, it hurts so bad.

***
Cause I've been waiting to give this gift tonight
I'm down on my knees
There's no better time
It's something to last for as long as you live
Tonight I'm going to give you all my heart can give
***

How am I ever going to let you go?

Crashed California Fitness at Orchard with Leqi at 8am, spent the later part of the morning with some of the AFST guys at Cafe Cartel in City Hall gorging on free bread and generally soaking up their company- it's really great being able to see them after so long, especially after the ADA guys have been channeled into their respective weapon training sections. After that it was an afternoon of laughter with the WOCC girls at Just Noodles in Suntec City- it was awesome talking to them, especially reminiscing about the hopelessly funny BMT/ OCS Joint Leadership Term memories. So much has changed in the span of four months- people've been commissioned as officers, and most deservedly so; some of them look different, and speak of things they've experienced which have changed them, but deep down inside some things just don't ever change and those are the memories we hang on to. Cake at Cedele Depot with Janie and Lihui after bidding farewell to the WOCC girls and frantic scurrying to take as many photographs as we could before parting for another 4 months- try the Chocolate Banana Espresso and the Espresso Almond Praline cakes, they're simply divine. Dinner was spent with the two girls as well as EC who couldn't make it for the earlier gathering, at the Rice Table, where I duly satisfied my longing for their sublime tauhu telor and sayur lodeh and was altogether sated, with good food and even better company. It was indeed a day to be treasured; and definitely one of those times that's going to make leaving for Michigan this time around even harder than how it was to leave before.


And of course, there's you.

***
How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath
With you
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cause we’ve shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
There’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
Well, there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me
Is against all odds
And that’s what I’ve got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
Well there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now
Cause there’s just an empty space

But to wait for you is all I can do
And that’s what I’ve got to face

Take a good look at me now
Cause I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me
Is against all odds
It’s the chance I’ve gotta take

Take a look at me now

***
Phil Collins :: Against All Odds

I haven't blogged since reaching Singapore, partly because my brother managed to make the broadband connection at home all wonky, and also because I've been caught up with a dozen other things. But honestly it's a lovely feeling- being busy catching up with people you haven't seen in a couple of months, getting the chance to touch base with them, just hanging out and doing quirky things you can only do with good pals. Like meeting up with the canoers (haha!) and collectively devouring five slices of cake (six, if you count Vania's chocolate cake which we surreptiously tried to pass off as one of the cafe's offerings) at Secret Recipe in record time, or hanging out with my dearest buddy at Far East Plaza and agonizing over haircuts (we have to go check out those deep-fried Mars Bars too), and going to church at the new location in the Singapore Expo, which was pretty sweet. One week left to do all the things I haven't done yet, as well as stuff my face with all the food I haven't tasted yet. Then it's back to the wintry cold of Michigan and picking my way through the icy slush. Can't wait.

Phew. It does feel good not having to worry about exams and studying... Well, at least until next year, where I'll be unceremoniously flung back into the whole hullabaloo of college classes, crew practice, studying at the law quad, and having to figure out German homework. I'm done for now, though, which is a relief. Isn't it amazing how time passes so fast? I'm one-eighth through with undergraduate college life in the States. I know the three-and-a-half years I have left seem like a pretty long time, but it isn't, really. Especially since in reality we only spend a total of eight or so months in active study- well, in classes, at least- I've realized that going to classes doesn't necessarily constitute engaging your mind in purposeful learning, but of course it's an extremely good idea to do so and I thoroughly advise everyone to do that. Hahaha.

The hallway of my dorm is pretty quiet now- the kids who live on my floor as well as the one below all belong to the Honors College, and we had our last paper for Great Books today- so everyone's pretty much disappeared back home to spend Christmas with their families. I'm looking forward to leaving in a couple of hours! I must say that the past two weeks have probably passed slower than the rest of the four months put together. It's the excitement of the impending return to Singapore, coupled with the studying for exams and the erg practices, which seem to make time drag on for an eternity. I've been subjecting my body to torture over the past few days, because of the 20-hour plane ride home, in which I will be rendered largely immobile, especially so if there is a large American seated next to me. And Northwest Airlines isn't exactly reputed for comfort, its food, or its inflight entertainment, for that matter. It will be a LONG plane ride. Yeah so anyway I've been training like crazy the past few days since I figure I can get rest on the plane- haha it's really sort of funny how my priorities are, I rank training right up with studying for exams. Both are equally important. Most people'd forgo training when it comes to the crunch, say, the day before the exam, or perhaps even a couple of days before. But I couldn't let myself do that, and so, even before Great Books exam this morning, I was out of the door, heels pounding the ice and snow, on my 7-mile run. I don't know why and how I got this hardcore, but let's just say it's intensely fulfilling. Hahaha.

Anyway all I can think about now is how I can possibly get my suitcase to shut. Hmmm. You'll have to excuse me while I go figure it out. See you guys in Singapore soon! I'm still using my Singapore handphone number- the 9476---- one, so just drop me a line, a SMS or something! I'll be back on 24th Dec sometime just past midnight, so I'll be able to enjoy Christmas Eve and Christmas in Singapore. Peace out.

Great Books exam tomorrow- my final paper, but look what I've had to wade through. Boy will I be glad when it's over.

***
Homer
The Iliad
The Odyssey

Aeschylus
Oresteia

Herodotus
The Histories

Sophocles
Antigone

Thucydides
The History of the Peloponnesian War

Aristophanes
The Acharnians
Lysistrata
The Clouds

Euripides
The Medea
The Bacchae

Plato
Apology
***

Blast those darned Greeks.

I'm staring at my suitcase as I type this and honestly I'm starting to get worried that I won't have enough space for everything. You might wonder, "What? She's only coming back to Singapore for 15 days and she's fretting over not being able to pack everything into her suitcase?" You see, I think I overdid the food bit. Half my suitcase's filled with food (Krispy Kremes, Two-Bite Brownies, about a thousand Hershey's bars) and other things that I've been dispatched to bring back for people, and I'm quite sure I might run into a little trouble when I attempt to shut my suitcase. Oh dear, I'm not looking forward to having to close it at all. And I can just imagine the look on the faces of the baggage handlers as they run my suitcase through the x-ray machine and notice the faint outlines of two dozen circular objects with holes in their centers, amidst other dubious shapes. Extra-large washers? I think not. More like Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Doughnuts.

Anyway so if any one wants to try Krispy Kremes, please stake your claim right now. Apparently they're the best doughnuts on the face of this earth. And since half my baggage space is devoted to eatables you can't find in Singapore, you'd better jump at the chance to try these! God I just hope I can somehow find space for my clothes. -faints.

One of my favorite songs of all time- the words are starkly simple, yet beautiful.

***
I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time
For me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

***
Stereophonics :: Maybe Tomorrow

***
Come to think of it, I'll be home soon.
Can't wait.

okay so now I'm officially halfway through exams after Polsci 140 today! Thanks for your prayers (You know who you are. You don't know how much the constant support means to me.) A short take on how the exam went- it was a two-hour long paper, but people were allowed to leave once one hour was up if they'd finished. For the life of me I can't fathom how so many people left after an hour, because I spent an hour and forty-five minutes on the paper, and when I looked up from my last essay I realized that there was scarcely anyone left in the auditorium (which had been almost fully occupied at the beginning of the exam). Of course only the conscientious people stayed till the very end. Hahaha. Anyway, I felt that the paper was possibly the best exam I'd ever sat for- honestly, I had a most enjoyable time answering all the questions and I don't think I could have prepared for it any better than I already had. Only that it was slightly disconcerting when I realized that half an hour into the exam, some people had already started on their long essay (the final component) while I was still in the midst of my compare-and-contrast-political-terms component. I'm really glad I took this class- Introduction to Comparative Politics- in fact, when I first registered for classes I chose Polsci 101 (Introduction to Political Theory), only to realize that, 1. the final exam for the class fell during the exact same time slot as my Great Books final, and I wouldn't be able to take that lest I had a Time-Turner, and 2. Political Theory was unbelievably boring- full of Socratic musings and ancient writings and things I had absolutely no interest in whatever. So I switched to Polsci 140 and from the looks of it I think it was a good decision. It even might be the field of political science I eventually end up majoring in.

Anyway for those of you who want me to order things online and've only just informed me- I'm sorry but I don't think the items you plan to order will arrive in time for me to be able to bring them back, because shipping during the holiday season (especially Christmas time) is insane and there isn't a hope of them arriving by next Wednesday latest. So maybe next time lah. Let me know earlier or something. But if you want food or items that I can procure easily (AND CHEAPLY) then you can try to let me know, but of course I have a selective memory when it comes to such issues- so if I don't oblige you please don't be too offended. (Just pretend I forgot. Even though I most probably didn't. Hahaha.)

And I know Michigan merchandise is awesome (here's a little bit of trivia- the Michigan 'M' is the best-selling and most-recognized college icon in the USA-- Ha I wonder what happened to the prestige of the Ivies? Who even knows (or cares, for that matter), what the Harvard badge looks like? Or the Yale one? Hmmmm?) but it's sort of expensive especially when you take into consideration the exchange rate so please lah, don't be too demanding okay? Thanks. Of course, if you want a Michigan Crew shirt, reason being that you are my No. 1 fan, I'll be more than happy to oblige you and you can even have an autographed photo of me. Otherwise, forget it. Hahaha.

Today marked the last day of classes for the Fall 2005 term, as well as the final day of organized crew practice (well, until we return from winter break. It's nowhere near over yet. Hahaha). My legs were stubbornly uncooperative today, probably owing to the thrashing I gave them yesterday, what with the Romanian deadlifts and Bulgarian squats (I have a fetish for Russian-themed exercises), and seeing that it was 7.5km Medley day, I realized it probably hadn't been an exceptionally brilliant idea to have done all those yesterday. Enough about practice. After practice we traipsed down to Candace's (one of our assistant coaches, a fourth-year senior, I think) place for soups in bread bowls kindly sponsored by our coach, salads, hummus, guacamole, and a range of delectable desserts. I didn't stay for long though, returned to South Quad around 7pm and the relative isolation of my room. It's nice to be in a quiet place sometimes. My teammates are so noisy it's funny. There's a girl called Britta- she's awesome, just that in her friend's words, she has "personality enough for SIX people". Which is perhaps a true measure of her... well, Presence. Once I was at the basement of South Quad and heard a familiar voice thundering from four floors up. Sure enough, it was Britta. When she opens her mouth to speak at the dinner table in the cafeteria, everyone within a ten-meter radius instinctively turns to look at her. That girl is fantastic. Hahaha.

Anthropology final today was pretty uneventful, considering that I finished studying for it on Saturday. One down, three more to go- the next is Political Science on Friday. I'm about halfway done with revision for polsci, and having quite a bit of fun with it since it's a really interesting subject and a class I'm entirely glad I took this semester. Anyway you guys back home- if you have anything you'd like me to possibly procure for you, do let me know. Sam, I remember your jellybellies so don't worry about that. And please remember that after all I am still a poor student studying in a foreign land and not very rich in any sense of the word so please do not ply me with extravagant requests. On the same note, baggage space is limited, so moderation in both aspects will be very much appreciated.

I'm sorry for the post below- of late I've been blogging about pretty cheery things or issues that revolve around decidedly benign topics like school or rowing or life in general. But sometimes it just hits me like a sack of bricks and there I go all over again. Whatever man.

Every so often your MSN icon pops up on my screen and I can barely restrain myself from letting my fingers run over the touchpad, towards the link that I wish would lead me to you. Sometimes I can't help myself and in doing so it opens up a window- in more ways than one, a window of possibilities, that could have been, that might never be. And it's always the same- a blank window, me racking my brain to think of something new I could possibly use to strike up a conversation, always wishing that you'd talk to me again, feeling almost as though I'd give anything for that to happen. But I've resigned myself to the inescapable reality that you'll never be the one who initiates the conversation, it's as though I've faded from your life into nothingness, almost like I never was there in the first place. Sometimes I do manage to weakly tap out an abstract sentence or two- perhaps something like how's it going or how have you been or a similarly meagre attempt at striking up a semblance of a conversation. And then I wait with bated breath for your response; sometimes it never comes, which I'm almost glad of; because when (if) it comes, it's something largely monosyllabic- a terse response, a non-committal answer, something that arises out of obligation. And when that happens, as I know it always will, I'll reply with a superficially cheery answer or a response that tries its best to be enthusiastic- and that'd be the end of it till the next time that familiar icon pops up on my screen and wreaks havoc in my heart all over again.

And I think to myself, hah that's funny, where did the letters and the phone calls and the emails go to?

Then, I remember that we never had those in the first place.

***
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

--Neil Gaiman
***

Sometimes I wonder- how did we ever fall so far?

***
Cynical, jaded, faithless, disappointed, disillusioned, used
If I could take back all my sweat, my tears, my sex, my joy
I would
My time, my love, my effort, passion, dedication
In case of mistaken identity I gave these things to you
If I sound angry, bitter, sad, infatuated,
It's the truth
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, just a few
Stages of acceptance that it's really over
It's just so complicated and
I'm stupid for believing in you

I had your back, I held you up,
I told you you were good enough
It was not reciprocated,
You kept affection and yourself apart
You fed your love to me
Like crumbs to pigeons in the park
Sometimes I think you're satisfied
To see me begging like a dog
I wasn't armoured, you were king,
I gave my everything
Because sometimes you showed me
Just a hint of you and then
For just a moment I romanticised the notion
I can take away the torment,
I can love you like they never did

***
Darren Hayes :: Unlovable

Bloody hell. Why do I still love you?

HAHAHA sorry lah very hungry can? LOL!

We played basketball for yesterday's cross-training session in the afternoon; it was exhilaratingly fun, especially after not having played a proper game in such a long time. And my teammates are pretty good basketball players, a couple of them played for varsity in high school- one or two'd be ready to take on the guys any time- and even those that weren't on the basketball team back in school, they were still good! It's a far cry from back home where precious few girls (excepting the basketballers) can actually play basketball with some semblance of the real thing. On the whole, it was a fantastic workout and a great game and a much-appreciated respite from erging.

Anyway I just spent my entire Thursday night doing absolutely nothing and my finals start next week so perhaps I should begin worrying now. Okay whatever lah I'll make sure I mug anthropology real hard tomorrow to make up for it. Gotta chiong like mad already! (Speaking of chionging, it's pretty funny how I have to resist the temptation to use words like these when talking to my American friends, especially my teammates. Like you know how we always used to use "chiong" in canoeing, for instance when Jiao4 Lian4 gives us 8 x 500m pieces at, say, 80% intensity, then we'll go "let's chiong the last 500m!" or something to that effect. So the other day I was on the erg between pieces and I was talking to one of my teammates, I can't remember who, but she was on the erg besides mine. And the program that particular day was short but painfully intense. I think we were almost done, probably at the last couple of sets, so during the rest period I turned to her and said "Good job! Now we just gotta chion--, errr, I mean, now we've just got to pull really hard for the last few minutes!" Good thing I didn't say "chiong"; I think it's a word that'll probably sound strangely awkward and jarring to American ears. Hahaha.)

The other day as I was walking to practice with Jay Chou's Ye Qu plugged into my ears, my coach happened to pop out of her office and she went "What are you listening to?" Well I couldn't very possibly tell her Jay Chou, since she'd have no inkling who he was anyway, so I just replied "Chinese music". (Makes it sound like I'm listening to classical Chinese opera or something of that sort). So now apparently I've been delegated the task of making an "Asian Music Mix" for erging to. My goodness. If anyone's got any fast-paced or remotely energetic Asian songs, please send them to me. For the life of me, I can barely think of any. Haha.

Bloody hell the South Quad fire alarm went off just as I finished the above paragraph and so I've just returned from my sojourn downstairs clad in my sleeping pants, t-shirt and jacket. And it didn't go off as the result of a fire drill or anything remotely legitimate- it went off to signal the start of the annual Snowball Fight between South and West Quad (it's an event that takes place during the first heavy snowfall of winter, where the residents of both dorms will congregate in the piercing cold and hurl snowballs, or, if you're slightly deranged and sadistic, lumps of ice, at each other across the street). Gah! I debated staying in my room but decided against it because I somehow know that the one time I remain in my room in deliberate ignorance of a fire alarm will be the one time it's a genuine alarm. So I went downstairs and mooshed around in the snow a bit and found Michela who was similarly pissed by the whole affair since she'd been asleep since 10.30pm. We crept back into South Quad after the alarmingly obese security officers switched the alarm off and so here I am typing this when the rest of my dorm is out mucking about in the snow and generally getting wet and soggy. As you can probably tell, I'm not much of a fan when it comes to snow. I much prefer sleep, thank you very much. Aiiight it's time for bed now.

phoooooooey my GTBOOKS paper is killing me! I'm caught in that odd sort of situation where you've got a ton of ideas yet nothing to say at the very same time, which is a distinctly uncomfortable place to be in right now. Those of you who like tragedy and lots of gloom, the play The Medea will probably be your cup of tea. I'll take a brief moment to give you a better idea of what it's about. It isn't boring, I promise.

It involves a jilted woman (Medea), her children, a Golden Fleece, the woman's gormless husband (Jason) and a young princess (Glauce) he intends to marry after the divorce is finalized, the princess' father (Creon), a visiting king who happens to be infertile (Aegeus), and of course the obligatory Chorus which is made up of a dozen or so women who don't really do anything of much significance besides bursting abruptly into song at the most unexpected of intervals. Anyway so Medea is jilted by Jason even after she's helped him gain the Golden Fleece (I really don't see the beauty of a Golden Fleece, but apparently some people like that sort of thing) and gone through all sorts of trials and tribulations. And she's a really vengeful woman, you see, so she plots to kill her children (so they can't carry on the patriarchal line) as well as the lovely young thing her husband has deserted her for. But she has a problem- she doesn't know where to seek asylum after carrying out her grisly mission. Suddenly, however, Aegeus appears out of nowhere (bad move here, Euripides- it's the equivalent of ending your story with waking from a dream when you can't think of an alternative plausible ending) and Medea promises him drugs to cure his infertility in return for her seeking asylum in Athens. So he agrees, and she is happy, and off she goes to kill everyone. And her creativity in murder is laudable- she has her children carry gifts of a diadem and a dress to Glauce, so that nothing is suspect. Glauce gleefully dons the diadem and dress (Ooohh! Clothes for my wedding! How nice!) and sashays up and down along the length of the hall. But all of a sudden she starts frothing at the mouth and her skin starts peeling off, and... I can't begin to describe it, but essentially it's not a pretty sight. Oh no it isn't. And Creon has absolutely no idea what's happening and rushes to save her and in the process the poison welds him to her as well and they die in the most tragic of embraces. And after that Medea kills her children and Jason rushes out but it's far too late for him to do anything- she's already hovering ten feet above him in the air in- get this, a chariot drawn by dragons- and she gives a tinkling laugh, waves goodbye to him with the most merry of expressions, and gallops away.

So you sort of get the idea. I can just see Euripides starting to slowly rotate in his grave at my retelling of his beloved play, but whatever. Anyway below are the opening two paragraphs of my essay. I've got to get back to finishing this paper now. Enjoy!

***
Moral ambiguity is a hallmark of Greek tragedy, and Euripides leaves the audience to ponder the dilemma between rationality and reason as explored in The Medea. The main character of the play, Medea, is entirely antithetical to the ancient Greek ideal of the heroic protagonist; she is female, a sorceress, and a foreigner, all of which are characteristics that work towards creating a perception of her which is inadvertently clouded by traditional bias. She synthesizes the traits that typically characterize passion and reason, in the process defying stereotypes and evoking dilemma. By transcending the rational through allowing her actions to be guided by base emotions, she reacquaints the audience with the harsh, inescapable realities of human violence. The fundamental question that Euripides evokes through the complex portrayal of Medea and her motivations stem from the correlation between sympathy for her and condemnation of her actions, culminating in the creation of dilemma- just exactly what measure of her deeds can be attributed to logical reason and thus lawfully condoned?

Euripides masterfully exploits a trick of the sophistic movement by evoking conflicting sentiments in the audience concerning Medea’s actions. Initially, the audience is inclined to sympathize with her over the blatant injustice she has been dealt by Jason, and also because she is subject to marginalization due to her position in society. However, as the play progresses, the audience is gradually introduced to the darker, horrific realities of the situation; where Medea’s deeds can no longer be attributed purely to the irrationality caused by the accompanying emotional upheaval following Jason’s actions. Rather, they are borne out of her macabre, vengeful desire for retribution that is only assuaged upon the massacre of Creon, Glauce, and perhaps most disturbing of all, her children. Herein lies the inherent ambiguity which obscures the play; the fine line between condoning and condemning actions borne out of emotion is increasingly difficult to define as the plot unfolds. At the very end of the play, amidst the fading reverberations of horror, the audience is forced to contemplate the rationale behind Medea’s deed and whether the wrongs dealt to her were deserving of the gruesome recourse she unleashed in her fury. The audience is gradually subsumed into the swirling morass of retribution as the plot progresses, swayed by the cunning ingenuity and conviction of Medea; only waking to the unpleasant realization at the end that perhaps the boundaries for justice have been trespassed.
***

wow damn shagged today, and lots of things to do by the end of the week to boot. my last great books 191 paper- it's far more difficult to get this one done (and by done, i mean with standard) than the previous one, perhaps because my expectations are relatively high following the A+ on that paper which was not entirely unexpected (because i worked for it, you limeys) HAHA. My brain is full of random ideas but i've to take the time to sieve them through and it's not happening yet. and i've got a German roleplay on thursday and lines to dutifully memorize for my part, which is also nowhere near happening yet. and for crew practice today we had a forty-minute continuous swing row which is probably the worst sort of practice you can hit me with. it's bloody boring and i can't help but to be acutely aware of the clock ticking down on my ergometer. isn't it fascinating how it takes no effort at all to space out in class, but on the ergometer every second drags by like it's attached to a lead weight? the good thing about today is that i registered for my classes next semester- so i'll be taking German 102, Great Books 192, Communications 101 and Comm Lab 111, as well as Political Science 160. i'm pretty pleased with my schedule (although its 17 credits) so that works out fine. okay sorry i just had to rant a little about my busy busy life, i suppose i'm ok now. hahaha not quite, but almost!

It's been a long day but it's finally winding to an end, but of course that similarly implies that half my weekend is gone, which isn't a very pretty thought either. As typically expected, I proceeded to pummel myself in the morning with an erg workout at 8.30am, followed by weights at the CCRB at 10, and finishing it off with a 7-mile run at the Nichols Arb with Heidi (one of my teammates). It's the first time I've been to the Arb- for those of you unacquainted with U-M terminology, Arb is short for the Nichols Arboretum, a beautiful expanse of rolling hills and breathtaking scenery flanking the Huron River; in the heart of Ann Arbor, and very much a part of the college campus. After the run, we went for lunch at Stockwell where she stays, and feasted on Cream of Wheat (Cream of Wheat is the next best thing to oatmeal, I assure you) and had an altogether splendid time since we are both large fans of those two foods. Anyway after that I went back to my room and spent four hours agonizing over my polsci paper- but I've finally managed to get it out of the way and I hope I get a decent grade for that. Looking forward to dinner with Julie at the Real Seafood Co. along Main Street tomorrow- it's been eons since I had a decent slab of fish; the fish here is either overcooked, dry and flaky, or there simply isn't any to subject to such harsh cooking methods at all. It's going to be quite expensive but I guess it'll be worth it! Finals are coming up in a matter of days- exactly ten days to my first final, which is Anthropology. Oh well, honestly I'm not too worried about the exams, which is somewhat strange since I've always been a bundle of nerves when it comes to final exams. Hopefully that bodes well for my grades!

HEY Y'ALL! OMG can't believe how long it's been since we last met- and yes, porn star (2nd from right, for the uninformed), I miss you so! :)

My hair is in dire need of assistance! Gah. Well, I suppose I can wait a little while longer. Haha. It's been dreadfully uncooperative recently- either it's pancake-flat against my head, or it stands up in a thousand directions at once, both of which are mildly disturbing especially when I wake up in the morning and have more pressing things to do besides fussing over my hair, like getting to practice on time.

The snow has started falling again- it started this afternoon, just when one of my teammates and I were returning from our 6.5 mile run for cross-training today. I know it probably strikes you as insane that we'd choose to run outside in sub-zero temperatures; but actually it's a blast. It was a great run and definitely a nice change from erging (since when do we ever do anything else besides erging). I'd initially planned on nailing my back with lifting today, but for some reason my back was shot today, and anyway we have team lifting sessions on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, so I figured I'd take a day off. Gotta listen to my body sometimes, I've discovered! It's so hard to find a happy medium between pushing yourself hard and overtraining. You've got to be careful not to overtrain.

This has been a pretty busy week for me, so I'm glad it's finally over (well, almost)! At least classes are done for the week, so now all that's left is the final draft of my anthropology paper which is due tomorrow, the argument-evidence page (you know how much I detest doing outlines for essays- I'd much rather just knock something out straightaway instead of doing a detailed plan. But whatever, as long as it helps me get a better grade in the end! I've got an 8-10 page political science paper due Monday as well, so I believe that's what tomorrow and perhaps a little of tonight will be primarily devoted to.

And to top it all off with the proverbial cherry on top, our coach wants us to finish our week off with a bang; which means that it's a Level 1 workout tomorrow, which is absolutely awesome/ awful, depending on how you want to look at it. Philip, if you're reading this (I know you are, you gym freak, haha), this might be really useful to incorporate into your program. This is the definition of a Level 1 workout: Level 1 workouts are the backbone of our training. These workouts are performed at intensities of 95-105% of competitive 2k pace. They are extremely demanding (pfffffft! Understatement of the Century!) and require significant recovery to realize their full benefits. Thus, we will only perform Level 1 workouts once a week/ once every other week. The basic format is to row short intervals with active recovery (vs. passive recovery= complete inactivity). Typical Level 1 workouts include 8 x 500m; 4 x 1k.

Tomorrow's workout is 4 x 1k on 10 minute centers @ 2k pace; which essentially means that we're given a total of 10 minutes to row a 1km piece at our 2k pace, and take the remainder of whatever time's left to recover actively (which often means just tugging half-heartedly at the chain since you're already rather bushed from the earlier sprint), and you repeat this 3 more times. It doesn't seem all that bad when you think about it now, because it's only 4km, which is really short compared to the mileage we normally clock per erg session (around 12km or so every afternoon practice), so inclusive of warmup (which I estimate will be around 20 minutes ~ 4km), it'll be only 8km for tomorrow. But 8km at 2k pace is insane- my 2k split is 2:01min/500m. I hope I don't turn a startling shade of blue from the duress of tomorrow's workout. No wonder my coach adds a cryptic "ROW BLUE" at the end of some of the training material she gives us. I should've known it implied something more than just a display of school loyalty through the college colors.

Well, folks, if you need some inspiration, read the words in the picture below. It's a portion of a handout titled "Introduction to Novice Training Plan", given to us by our coach. This specific part is called "Qualities of a Champion". Doesn't the title alone psyche you up? Haha! This is the quintessential guide to Clean Living! And when I say Clean Living, I don't mean living in a state of depravity either- though life right now personally demands a lot from me, sometimes almost more than what I'd readily give, it's the rewards in the end, the ultimate outcome, that makes everything worthwhile. So there you go.



(and did you notice the "ROW BLUE" at the end?) -groan-

Thanksgiving was awesome, as you can see from the sumptuous spread of food on the dining table. And that most definitely wasn't all; there was more (just that it's not in the picture), together with FOUR kinds of dessert- bourbon-orange pecan pie with bourbon whipped cream, sweet potato and coconut cheesecake, chocolate torte, and of course pumpkin pie. Enough to make even a person with a cloyingly sweet tooth pass out from an overdose of sugar. But it was a great experience, and I did have a good deal of fun. Oh by the way, as you can tell from the picture, my hair is absolutely awful! I need to do something about it soon. Been wearing a beanie in a desperate bid to conceal the disaster that is atop my head.

I met Thomas in the gym just now- he was there making penance for the sins of the previous four days. Apparently, he'd been to New York over Thanksgiving break, with a couple of the other UMich freshmen; where they (over)indulged in a wild shopping and eating frenzy. He related to me, with great relish, how they had "three breakfasts and three lunches and three dinners" each day, and proceeded to tell me where they went, but was promptly arrested by guilt in mid-speech and left me hanging abruptly by the calf raise machine for the bench press station to knock out a couple of reps in atonement.

Anyway so the fun is over (at least for the next three to four weeks or so), and it's back to humdrum campus life. Everyone's gearing up for finals which begin on 15 Dec and last all the way through to 22 Dec, before Fall term is officially over and we have another brief respite (Winter break!). U-M has one of the shortest winter breaks ever- it lasts all of one-and-a-half weeks, which is something I'm rather indignant about. Granted, we have another ten days off during spring break in end-February, but who's going to go anywhere then? They might as well give us a longer winter break and be done with it. Just about the only good thing is that we end school by the end of April, so that means I'll be able to return to Singapore pretty early for summer vacation. (And revert back to being a soldier with camo cream and the works, for all of ten weeks at the very least).

Thanksgiving is akin to what we call Chinese New Year back in Singapore- two (or so) days filled with visiting family and friends, trips in the car down to the houses of different relatives, partaking of the smorgasbord of goodies each of the houses possesses, watching tv, playing card games- except that of course there isn't any hongbao to look forward to during Thanksgiving, which is definitely an extremely integral part of Chinese New Year. So the last two days I've basically been doing all of that stuff as an honorary member of Alex's family (or you could say, a piece of deadwood who tags along with them to their relatives' houses and gleefully indulges in the food and sprawls on the luxury of the carpeted floor until it's time to go home). We visited Alex's uncle's house yesterday which was simply amazing- a pretty new place, the decor was breathtaking; it's everything the dream American house could be. Large but not too sparse, a beautiful kitchen with the countertops you see in movies, a brick fireplace, a basement with a pool table, bar counter, rocking chairs, another fireplace, a large tv- and of course wonderful bathrooms. I don't know why, but the bathrooms were particularly intriguing. They were lovely.

So far this break has been a great one just to relax and unwind- we watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at the Michigan Theater (there's a Michigan Theater in South Haven as well). Tickets were unbelievably cheap- just $3.50 per person, and I must say that the theater wasn't too shoddy either. I think we're going to a fabulous Mexican place for lunch today, and perhaps go down to the pier for a walk (South Haven is located on the opposite side of Lake Michigan from Chicago, although the lake is so large that you can't see across it; it's just a vast expanse which should be called an ocean instead), and maybe ice-skate in the evening again (Ted, you're not a loser, don't worry- we'll go to Yost or something when I get back!). Haven't been to a gym in two days, but I've been doing circuits in the morning in my tiny room- well okay not really circuits, but like 4 sets of 30 tricep pushups and 30 standard pushups- and then 4 sets of 20 dips and wide hand pushups, and squats and all that stuff, so I hope I'm not in too bad shape by the time I get back. Anyway I've reasoned to myself that 3 days off can't be a bad thing especially since I've done enough shit to my body in the past week (on Monday I lifted weights in the wee hours of the morning, erged during lunch, and erged again before dinner- about 20km of erging total that day), so I probably need to recuperate right? Right. Okay whatever. Haha back to my political science now! I've got an insane amount of work due next week and the week after- phooey. Brought many books to Alex's place- managed to get quite a bit done, which is pretty good. Blog sometime soon!

It's Friday morning now, the day after Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving yesterday was pretty eventful- filled with conviviality, fun, and of course loads of good food. I must say the Klugs are terribly gifted when it comes to culinary prowess- the Thanksgiving dinner was basically amazing. But luckily I exercised a degree of self-control that amazed even myself, and hopefully I can hang on for two more days without succumbing to the temptations of overconsumption. Went ice-skating for the very first time (okay I'm such a loser, I know) on Friday night, and it was a blast. Haven't fallen yet, for that matter, which was pretty good. Haha. Okay I'll be back sometime soon! Enjoy yourselves everyone.

A view from the window of my room in South Quad.

Ann Arbor's covered in about two inches of snow today- the most snow I've seen since I've been here, and I'm pretty sure there's more to come- what a way to usher in Thanksgiving! Just about everyone's leaving the University for winter break; some are flying back to their hometowns, most have been dragging their suitcases downstairs in eager anticipation for their parents to pick them up for the long ride home. For me I'll be leaving for South Haven (a small town in Michigan, 2 1/2 hours away from Ann Arbor)- as I'll be spending Thanksgiving all the way till Sunday with one of my teammates from crew and her family, Alex. As a matter of fact I'll be leaving in a couple of minutes, so I just wanted to rush this post out to let you guys know that all's going well over here. Thanksgiving is such a big occasion here, I'm fortunate to be able to experience a traditional celebration with an American family. Alex has made big plans for the next couple of days- they include making me fatter than I already am with tempting Thanksgiving edibles (Oh dear.), ice-skating on the lake if it's frozen over, horse-riding (she owns 2 horses), learning how to throw an American football (I'm really looking forward to this). And for me I'm going to make sure we get our circuit workouts and cardio in (to prevent ballooning to obscene extremes and so that we don't die when we clumsily waddle back onto the ergs on Monday practice). Okay I've got to run now- take care everyone, and have yourself a great Thanksgiving as well! Just take a moment to stop and think about the things we should be thankful for- personally, I know I've got plenty to be grateful for. Alright I'll blog sometime soon!