i watched the men's allaround gym finals yesterday and paul hamm was a true inspiration. normally you'd think that after screwing up your fourth event with a dismal score of 9.1 caused by lurching into the judges' table after an awful landing from vault, there'd be no chance for a medal, much less the gold. usually there wouldn't be anything left to compete for, you'd reason that it wouldn't be possible to get back into the running after that horrific mistake. hamm was twelvth after four rotations, which left him with only parallel bars and high bar to redeem his olympic dream. but hamm pulled off one of the most electrifying parallel bars routine i'd ever seen immediately after his vault, which earned him 9.837 points and rocketed him into fourth place, within reach of the top three. and a similarly powerfully inspirational high bar routine (three releases! with the one-armed giant swing! god.) was enough to propel him past the koreans and back to the place where he belonged- the top spot.
the true spirit of a sportsman- it's never over till the end. and he thoroughly deserves his victory. i'm inspired.

Hamm's victory was high drama
By Jill Lieber, USA TODAY


ATHENS — When he walked over to the high bar at Olympic Indoor Hall, the final gymnast in the final event of the men's gymnastics all-around competition Wednesday, Paul Hamm had no idea he needed to score more than 9.825 to pull himself out of fourth place and take home the gold medal. What he had in his mind after he crash-landed on the vault two events earlier was that he needed to pull off the performances of his life to even get the bronze. So Hamm took a deep breath and began swinging powerfully through the air, executing his technically difficult routine and then nailing his landing. When his score came up — 9.837 — he still wasn't sure if it would be enough. And even after the arena scoreboard retabulated the scores, and his coach, Miles Avery, screamed, "Olympic champion!" Hamm couldn't quite compute what had just happened. "I looked at Miles and said, 'Olympic champion? No way!' " a still-stunned Hamm said an hour later. "I really had thought gold was totally out of the question."

In one of the most dramatic comebacks in sports, with the closet margin of victory, 0.012, in Olympic history, Hamm, 21, of Waukesha, Wis., became a U.S. men's gymnastics legend.

An hour after the event was over, Hamm was still trying to fathom what had just happened.
"After I missed the vault, I thought there was no chance for gold," Hamm said. "I thought maybe a bronze. I was very upset and depressed, because I knew that all-around was my best chance for winning the gold. When the score came up and Miles yelled, 'Olympic champion,' I was still shocked, because I just didn't think it was possible. How could it be possible?"

Hamm had come to Athens as the reigning world champion, filled with high expectations, billed with lots of media fanfare. He showed strength, power, creativity and consistency throughout the qualifications and team finals. All along he had said if he hit all six events, there was no question the all-around title would be his.

On the night's first event, the floor exercise, Hamm made a statement, his solid tumbling earning 9.725 to put him into first place, tied with China's Yang Wei, the 2000 Olympic and 2003 world silver medalist. He followed with a 9.7 on the pommel horse, although Wei snuck past him on the still rings to take a .037 lead. Next it was Hamm's turn on the rings, his weakest event, and he scored a solid 9.587, celebrating with a pinpoint landing and pumped fists. Wei dipped on the vault (9.512), and Hamm took over first by .038.

And then disaster struck. Hamm didn't rotate enough on his vault, which caused him to sit down on the landing and almost fall off the podium, nearly hitting a judge. He appeared to have fallen out of medal contention in one fell swoop, scoring 9.137 and dropping to 12th.
"I just didn't get enough power off the vault," he said. "I landed to the side and couldn't withstand the impact, and I fell over."
A collective gasp, then murmurs, swept through the hall. Hamm sat on a chair on the sideline adjacent to the vault runway, stunned and forlorn, staring silently into space, figuring his shot at U.S. men's gymnastics immortality was gone.
First up on the next event, parallel bars, Hamm pulled off a great routine — his handstand positions were solid and very extended. His double-pike dismount was the period at the end of his never-say-die sentence. Some of the leaders who followed him on the parallel bars had problems, but the last man in the event, Korea's Yang, stuck a 9.775 and took over first place.

Elsewhere in the arena, the gymnasts in sixth through 11th place started faltering, too. All of that helped rocket Hamm into fourth place — and put him in striking distance on the high bar, his strongest event. "I'm very happy right now," Hamm said. "I was so angry at myself after I'd missed the vault. I had worked years for that moment, and it all went down the drain.

"And then I had the best performance of my life on high bar. I'm proud of myself. I realized my dream. And I never, never, never gave up."
***

***
i feel so unsure
as i take your hand
and lead you to the dance floor
as the music dies
something in your eyes
calls to mind a silver screen
and all its sad goodbyes

i'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
i know you're not a fool
i should have known better than to cheat a friend
and waste a chance that i've been given
so i'm never gonna dance again
the way i danced with you

time can never mend
the careless whisper of a good friend
to the heart and mind
ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find

tonight the music seems so loud
i wish that we could lose this crowd
maybe it's better this way
we'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
we could have been so good together
we could have lived this dance forever
but now who's gonna dance with me
please stay

now that you've gone
now that you've gone
now that you've gone
was what i did so wrong
so wrong that you had to leave me alone

george michael :: careless whisper
***

oh snap outta it. what an ass i am.
but is it a sin to keep hoping?

in the computer lab now after a damn slack human geog lesson- just finished an awful econs essay-cum-drq during econs tutorial just now (i swear, sowden can be really slack at times but when he gets going its workworkwork all the way) and i've got a math quiz later, which i'm positively sure i'm going to flunk. oh god my lower back aches like crazy, a product of doing 4 sets of 15back extensions clasping a 10kg plate in the weights room yesterday. but yeah it nails the abs and the back at the same time. my calves are screaming out too from calf presses yesterday. gosh. and i heard something that quite aptly summed up my passion for doing weights/ working out, coming from a rugger (if you have to hear it from anyone, it's gotta be a rugger) when he was talking to a j1 guy canoeist :" it's like a fucking addiction".

oh boy i couldn't agree any better.
hell yeah it's like a fucking addiction.

haha there're national squad time trials this week- man isn't it crazy? how'd they expect us to maintain our peak for three weeks, spanning nationals to scf to trials? it's damn crazy la. especially since there isn't anymore school training now and all we've got are our own sessions, and we've cut down on morning training at macritchie due to the lack of time. and the timings to make it to the elite team anyway scf on sat/sun was a great way to cap off the competitive season for 2004. our heat on sat was total crap. i have no idea why i thought it was a false start, so we stopped very nicely in the middle of the race (remember its only 250m, no time to stop man!), looked back, went "oh SHIT" and continued the race. yeahh. well at least we still managed to come in 2nd. semis were marginally better, at least we didn't stop this time. and the funny thing was that the hc boat with chian lin was in lane1 while we were in lane2- which is ALWAYS the case-it's really quite hilarious at how we inevitably meet each other no matter what distances we race in. finals we re so damn close! we won by a hair's breadth. oh man. i'm quite sure it was a rather spectacular race to watch too because the 5 boats came in within 2seconds of each other. anyway nic and melissa came down (it's nice finally seeing you, for the first time, nic) hahaha!

finally i've found the time to get back to this blog and reminisce about nationals. it's been almost a week since finals, and a week since heats. man. i'd like to thank the seniors for coming down to support us- the j3s and the j4s and perhaps more (though i may not know every single one of you, thanks for coming back and showing us that the call of raffles canoeing remains strong even after you've left). the support was incredible. especially to people like benedict, justin, huilin and lynn. you guys have done so much for our batch- continually motivating, supporting us, since you all have the wealth of experience garnered from competing yourselves. also tremendous thankyous to the j1s who didn't compete but came down to provide the logistics support, carrying paddles, transporting boats, bringing food... i'm sure all the j2s are really grateful for you guys. it'll be your turn to compete next year- carry on the legacy that we and our seniors have left.

i guess thinking back right now about the finals race- it's kinda weird reminiscing about it. i have nothing much to say except for the fact that i think it's the best i've ever rowed. every inch of me, every breath straining towards the finish line. before the start of the race my mind was a complete blank, and i was entirely focused on rowing the best race of my life. winning was secondary, doing my absolute best foremost. and i'm glad that i have absolutely no regrets about that race. definitely it hit me hard that i wasn't able to clinch the gold, but i guess that's part and parcel of life and canoeing. you win some, you lose some. the pair from acjc, winny and jasmine, totally deserved their gold, anyway. i must say that they rowed a very inspired race, giving it all they had, and such opponents are definitely worthy of respect. congratulations.

i guess i've come out of nationals (and canoeing) learning so much more than i'd ever imagined i would. i'm glad that after nationals the canoeists from different schools can finally set aside their rivalries and i can get to know people for who they really are. to HC canoeists- man! we've always thought you people were great! but having to compete against each other on so many occasions kinda hampered us in getting to know you better. anyway i'm glad to have known you all, and hopefully we can all meet again sometime! to SR canoeists- haha wow i didn't know that some of you went to my church- i kinda got a shock when i saw you ppl there- thanks for the support and encouragement especially prior to and immediately after my race. even though we're not from the same school i'm really touched that you guys put aside school loyalties to egg us on during the finals. thank you so much. to MJ canoeists- haha training with you guys has been quite an experience! haha thanks for the support.. train hard and you guys will definitely do real well in all the races to come.

oh shucks the bell's rung for gp class. i'll blog about the rest sometime soon if not i'll be late and evans won't be very pleased with me. haha.

oh god. final land training yesterday and that realization only struck me when it was over. when i was dumping my workout gloves and weights logbook into my locker and it dawned on me that i'd never have to use those if i didn't want to, ever again. i wouldn't ever need to bust my ass off doing 110pds/10reps for lat pulldowns, bench 86/30 till the lactic acid builds up and explodes, or knot raffia for string roll (which we had affectionately christened 'spring roll' in futile attempts to make the prospect of that exercise somewhat more bearable), or do nauseating 4x1.6km intervals at 5pm ever again. yeah. so is this how it ends?
 
philip's right- part of me, like him, does yearn for days when i can be lazy. after one plus years of committment to this sport i love, i've almost forgotten what it's like to go home early when school ends instead of training till dusk, eat anything and everything i want (okay perhaps i've attained moksha when it comes to this, hahaha quan!) and generally have all the time on my hands especially on weekends to blow. but i don't think that'll suit me. i just can't give up what i've gained over the past year. i can't go back.
 
i'll miss the training sessions-  seeing gs do her rubbish vibrations during weights, being suaned by weiqi and vania, our team runs, our circuit trainings, ab work (in which gs vibrates (AND gyrates) awfully, again),  next-day-wake-up-with-hellish-backache 4-3-2-3-4 kayak rotations. Going to kallang gym and being buaya-ed by stupid mat bodybuilders (there you go, vania!). pullup trials under the watchful eye of huilin. 6k runs to the esplanade and back, following the oft-frequented route by shine and her fellow apple-eater. collective groans from the entire team upon hearing that jiao lian wanted us to run before training. rowing 4 2ks and countless 500s and getting all sunburned and parched under the merciless sun. complaining about the oilspills and dead animal carcasses at kallang. hating wakeboarders and speedboats to the core for delaying our launching. doing weird things like one-stroke starts. the thrill and exhilaration of racing and being in a k2 that flies.
 
our team dinners and team outings- stayover at zhen's house with sharksfin soup and pizza and deutscher fussball on tv to boot, yami yogurt and subway saturdays with sheryl, gs and the rest, and not too long ago cheesefries wednesdays (okay i admit!) LAST YEAR after training. team dinner after southernislands expedition when the dessert vanished from the plate within twelve seconds after having arrived at the table, carol being the main culprit. weiqi being mock-impaled with a greasy pork rib knife from kenny rogers' by gs. taking rubbish photos at the esplanade, most notably the shot of me gesturing at gs's ample chest which was nicely illuminated by a ray of light. psycheup session at lyd's house with nail-painting exploits pre-sdba,  slicing our own leftover bananas from dragonboat competition onto the waffles at cafe cartel, which carol promptly devoured, being none the wiser. those hilariously raucous team chats at fuzion or tcc, which inevitably always culminated in a most undistinguished array of candid photographs being taken amidst the forore, which would, upon close examination later, prove to be most incriminating. (how can i ever forget the shot of gs's inflated assets HAHAHA) mag urging vania not to  attempt to "make a mountain out of a molehill" in perhaps undisguised reference to the aforementioned assets.      
 
the team. zhen sheryl gs mag weiqi shine lyd vania leqi carol. the ten of you mean so, so  much to me. inexplicably, i'll miss suaning and being suaned. i'll miss the training together, running together, rowing together. the encouragement, the spirit that's lacking in other teams but most definitely not in ours.  the guys team. though our teams mightn't be as close as we'd have preferred them to be, we're still all raffles canoeists together and that's what really matters.
 
a week to finals, and then i won't know what to make of everything.  i'm relishing the idea of competing, but then again, i'm dreading the time when everything'll be over. i might cry. i don't know. when it finally fully sinks in that i've rowed my last race as a raffles canoeist.
 
oh well. Till then.

*  *  *

RAFFLES CANOEING

batch of 2003-2004

 

*  *  *

 
===================================
you said it was like this
i was torn between two worlds
one full of promise
and the truth i knew would hurt
you say i'm no angel
trying to put the past behind
 
so now i try to find
a place to leave all
memories in my mind

we try, our lives away
then stumble into the grave
we cry, and still they stay
the past won't go away
the story of my life
 
see i was just thinking
now my life is on the road
the straight and the narrow
on the route that i've been showed
you know it's not easy
to try to change your ways
 
so now i try to find
a place to leave all
memories in my mind

we try, our lives away
then stumble into the grave
we cry, and still they stay
the past won't go away
the story of my life
 
a place to leave all
memories in my mind
 
we try, our lives away
then stumble into the grave
we cry, and still they stay
the past won't go away
the story of my,
try, our lives away
then stumble into the grave
we cry, and still they stay
the past won't go away

the story of my life
\\ kristian leontiou

 

hey check this website out. it's freaking hilarious. apparently it's the website of the weird eyebrow plucking guy who roams around outside tangs, pouncing from behind corners to accost unwitting victims. i remember encountering him once last year with charm and he tried to wheedle us into plucking our eyebrows *sheesh. now he's a guy who's thoroughly strange. grossly inflated ego to boot as well.

doing some last minute research for my religion presentation on jehovah's witnesses for tmr. so awfully busy! and nationals are in two or so weeks... which seems rather near yet far away at the same time. actually i'll be really sad when it's all over. not gonna think about that right now..

CRASH : PUSH
***
crash
would you like me to forget myself
and lose myself
in you

push
just one push will do
then i`m overboard
drowning in you

i hear a whisper slowly and
soon our lips will be near
in between the day and night
i step into the blue twilight
catch me, darling
catch me

hold me back
i think i`m falling
over you
what did you do

help me now
i`m losing me
into you
what did you do

what did you do

walk
i walk a line that leads to you
waiting anticipating
desire has no safety
to lead you on the road
going crazy

i hear a whisper slowly and
soon our lips will be near

hold me back
i think i`m falling
over you
what did you do

help me now
i`m losing me
into you
what did you do

i hear you whisper darling
darling

in between the day and night
i step into the blue twilight
catch me, darling
catch me

hold me back
i think i`m falling
over you
what did you do

help me now
i`m losing me
into you
what did you do

what did you do
***
robi draco rosa \\ mad love

it's been a month plus since i blogged. but my computer hangs roughly every ten minutes so i haven't been going online much either. oh well. it's halftime now of eurofinals and i must say the greeks are doing an excellent job defensively. which is both good, and bad, as it'll be an awfully low-scoring game and i think it'll be decided either by silver goal or penalties. actually i'd quite like to see a penalty shootout because i want to see Ricardo the Lionhearted take off his gloves and perform his heroics again.

haha. 6-a-side futsal yesterday at ecp- it was a blast! first match walkover due to the no-show of our opponents. we were all secretly relieved! (okay so maybe it wasn't secretly, it was audibly). second match against bishan ite, the toughest team (probably) in the tournament. but we managed to hold them to a goalless draw! it was damn funny because i found myself right back just in front of the keeper. oh and sona the keeper pulled off some fantastic saves too. you go, girl! i think the bishan ppl were freaking frustrated after the match because they couldn't seem to find a way past the five defenders and the keeper(which was, actually, the entire team.) third match versus Wreckonin' United (what a mouthful!) manda's one-on-one with the keeper gave us the first goal and i scored (with my left foot!) the second. great game it was. tight defensively as well. but today was pretty disappointing as we let in one, just one fluke goal in our fourth match against the Tootsiepoops (okay this is starting to sound rather incredulous, but believe me, that was their team name. oh and by the way, we were Team Nutmeg. haha)we dominated the entire game, manda had a shot towards the left corner saved by their keeper, my first shot (with left foot again, went agonizingly wide past the right post) and yoke pean just missed heading from my crosses by a couple of centimetres. damn. but i was quite happy with my crosses from the corner! yeahhh.

oh well then. second half's started now! be back sometime.

time manipulates your heart preconceptions torn apart begin to doubt my state of mind

but i won't go down on what i said i won't retract convictions read i may perplex but i'm not blind

today was, to put it frankly, shit.
rainy morning which dampened my mood immediately.
at least taboo smackdown was fun. sometimes i'm really thankful for 2a13a. maybe i haven't treasured you guys enough but i will now.
the dratted dreary lectures and tutorials in all their mundane glory.
crap.
yongtaufoo stall owner on a hiatus! what an absolute calamity. but nothing compared to everything else.
math tutorial. i don't know. i ought to be glad that for once i'm on track and maybe even ahead in math, my most hated subject, but somehow i was so spent during the tutorial. as in, i just couldn't be bothered.
screw that.
so f*cked during the canal run. damn i suspect i've got gastric and the pain was awful.
oh god, weights. going through the repetitive motions of loading, lifting, releasing, resting.

and then i heard some things i'd be better off not knowing.
how long can i possibly live in denial? how much longer can i go on thinking that it'll happen when the sad f*cking truth is that it won't? oh for god's sake snap out of it you ass.

so take all this noise into your brain and send it back again i'll bear the cost, shed my skin, call you up and then i'll say the words out loud

but there's one thing i need to know.
where are you? where have you been? everything was good a month ago. i could have gone on like that. but all of a sudden it's snatched away just like that. you say nothing's changed. but from the look of it, things have. do you have to keep me in the dark like that? what happened? can't we even talk any more? there's this distance between us and try as i might, i can't seem to bridge it. you're just too far away.
f*ck i can handle it. come on, hit me with the stinging reality. i'll take it as it is, and i'll try my best to pretend that i'm fine. really.

you could resurrect a thousand words to deceive me more and more a thousand words will give the reasons why i don't need you anymore

there's this gaping void in my life that's growing day by day. bloody hell. what's f*cking changed?

maybe you can't lose what you never had.

i'll say the words out loud i'll say a thousand words or more

just as long as you know that i'll never forget. though it was all in the space of a few fleeting weeks. thank you for those moments. the conversations, the walks. even the silence, when words weren't necessary. can we ever go back there? i don't know. could we possibly?

manipulation. fabrication. conversation. annihilation.
i'll say a thousand words or more

damnation. frustration. elevation. procreation.
i'll say a thousand words or more

a thousand words will give the reasons why i don't need you anymore.

i can't believe the way
your love has got a hold on me
each morning i wake to find you near
you lift me above my fears
and set my feet on solid ground
all of my days belong to you

and i breathe in your breath of life
that fills my heart
you are my all consuming fire

i stand here before you
in wide open wonder
amazed at the glory of you
the power of heaven
revealing your purpose in me
as i'm reaching for you

hillsong \\reaching for you

***

was just reminded of this awesome song a few days back. haven't heard it in quite a while but it was one of my favorites and i guess it still is. ah. finally i've got a day of rest tomorrow! there hasn't been a single day when i haven't had training in one form or another. phew what a life! but i'm fine with it. it's pretty satisfying. especially early morning training. it starts my day off just right and besides i got to skip the massive attire check that befell the entire school on monday. you'd see everyone in a flurry trying to stuff their drawstrings into their skirts, hastily removing a myriad of miniscule, oddly-shaped items from their earlobes, tidying up their hair (which means a spot of frantic flattening for me, especially) and generally looking unusually neat and proper.

after the attire check teacher walks away though, blouses are tugged out, skirts mysteriously ascend to show more of the knee than is supposed to, the metal items to their initial positions, and my irrepressible hair makes its way skywards again. this process never fails to repeat itself without much variation whenever the dreaded time comes around again.

ugh there's phototaking later. at least it's a pretty short day, nonetheless. be going for my canal run and doing the legs programme later. sighhh i'd better make the most out of tomorrow's rest!

is it love tonight
when everyone's dreaming
of a better life
in this world
divided by fear
we've gotta believe that
there's a reason we're here
there's a reason we're here

'cause these are the days worth living
these are the years we're given
and these are the moments
these are the times
let's make the best out of our lives

see the truth all around
our faith can be broken
and our hands can be bound
but open our hearts and fill up the emptiness
with nothing to stop us
is it not worth the risk
is it not worth the risk

'cause these are the days worth living
these are the years we're given
and these are the moments
these are the times
let's make the best out of our lives

even if hope was shattered
i know it wouldn't matter
'cause these are the moments
these are the times
let's make the best out of our lives

we can't go wrong
thinking it's wrong
to speak our minds
i've gotta let out what's inside

is it love tonight
when everyone's dreaming
but can we get it right
yeah but can we get it right

'cause these are the days worth living
these are the years we're given
and these are the moments
these are the times
let's make the best out of our lives

even if hope was shattered
i know it wouldn't matter
'cause these are the moments
these are the times
let's make the best out of our lives

the calling \\our lives

Hauntingly, achingly beautiful.

***
somebody said they saw you
the person you were kissing wasn't me
and i would never ask you
i just kept it to myself

i don't wanna know
if you're playing me, keep it on the low
'cause my heart can't take it anymore
and if you're creeping, please don't let it show
oh baby, i don't wanna know

oh baby
i think about it when i hold you
when looking in your eyes, i can't believe
i don't need to know the truth
baby keep it to yourself

i don't wanna know
if you're playing me, keep it on the low
'cause my heart can't take it anymore
and if you're creeping, please don't let it show
oh baby, i don't wanna know

did he touch you better then me (touch you better then me)
did he watch you fall asleep (watch you fall asleep)
did you show him all those things that you used to do to me (do to me baby)
if you're better off that way (better off that way)
baby what i like to say (all that i can say)
go on and do your thing and don't come back to me
(stay away from me baby)

i don't wanna know where your whereabouts or how you movin
i know when you in the house or when you cruisin
it's been proven, my love you abusin
i can't understand, how a man got you choosin (yeah)
undecided, i came and provided ma
my undivided, you came and denied it (why)
don't even try it, i know when you lyin (i know when you lyin)
don't even do that, i know why you cryin (stop cryin)
i'm not applyin no pressure, just wanna let you know
that i don't wanna let you go (i don't wanna let you go)
and i don't wanna let you leave
can't say i didn't let you breathe
gave you extra cheese (c'mon), put you in the SUV
you wanted ice so i made you freeze
made you hot like the West Indies (that's right)
now it's time you invest in me
'cause if not then it's best you leave
holla, yeah

i don't wanna know
if you're playing me, keep it on the low
'cause my heart can't take it anymore
and if you're creeping, please don't let it show
oh baby, i don't wanna know


mario winans ft. p.diddy i don't wanna know
***

is that really the case? am i all that incapable of what i believed i was able to achieve before?

perhaps it was never me, maybe it was always them.

whatever it is, i never want to be perceived as latching on to someone and basking in undeserved glory. god i resent whatever he said. i'm going to row like anything, make it so that there'll never be any reason to say that ever again. i'm sorry. i have my pride, and faith in my ability, and i simply can't take those words lying down.

dammit the title is mine. ours. regardless of whether i have to push you for every stroke, scream myself hoarse, row till my back breaks, go through blood sweat and tears, press on despite the burning lactic acid, and even if i have to single-handedly propel the boat forwards with my last ounce of energy, i'll do it. whatever it takes. i'm not stopping at anything.

until we cross the finishing line, turn back, and know that we're first.

that's when i'll know i've finished the race, done my duty as a Raffles Canoeist, and, most of all, know that i've achieved what was my only goal all along.

it was a good feeling to be rowing at macritchie again. what a glorious way to have spent a sunday morning, in our beautiful k2, enjoying the tranquility of the freshwater (which is much more than you can say for kallang), doing ten kilometres at our super low frequency, and feeling the breeze as we do the return laps. i wouldn't mind doing this for a long time to come. nevertheless, it admittedly takes a lot of commitment after what we've heard today (weekday morning training from 0630 to 07++ hrs?) and there's always the all-important issue of studies. i'll give it my best shot and see how it goes.

but of course i am immensely thankful for this opportunity. all along it's been a dream? and now i'm one step closer to it. even though there are numerous inconveniences and headaches like the ever-problematic paddles (FOUR people -and counting- have already unwittingly grabbed on to my paddle shaft while on the bus, thinking it was a pole) and the issue of time. but i guess it's worth it.

and of course, thank you for the fantastic morning.

more photos along the right column under "painting the town red" ;)... mainly pictures of post-scf chillout at nydc and fuzion. haha. can't be bothered to blog anymore for now. ciao!

okay PHOTOS are finally uploaded - under raffles canoeing 03-04. or you can click here.

contains pictures from scf 1st nat'l jnr kayaking c'ships at macritchie on 27-28 march 2004. will be uploading post-c'ships photos soon! ugh uploading pics takes a hell of a long time. till then.

training today was pretty good! thanks sheryl. you know what i've told you... and yeah let's just keep that in mind and we'll both train hard. anyway we're both in the same boat when it comes to this (ugh how lame). thanks gs for the wonderful talk at ghim moh. i really enjoyed it and glad things are this way again. maybe we'll buy cheng tng for vania next week! to the whole girls team: man you lot make my life so much better. thanks for everything. and to you- haha nah you didn't dao me. it's your smile which keeps me going. though we're not k2ing together any longer (for now), what difference does it make? i know you'll always be there.

and so will i. let's go.

***
to the sunset of your glory where my heart and future lies
there's nothing like that feeling when i look into your eyes
***

you would know, it would be clear
that angels brought me here

in the media centre now blogging while someone's reading cleo just a couple of metres away. i haven't blogged in a real long time- partly because i just don't feel like getting round to it, and also because i haven't had much chance to use the home computer which keeps screwing itself up at every available opportunity. today's a super hot tuesday! will probably mug a bit later and then do weights at 5pm when there won't be any good company around.

sigh i really don't have much to say right now. and i think i could probably spend the time up to 5pm more fruitfully with someone else.

later.

maybe i'll still be able to realise my dreams of studying medicine. who knows?

The Straits Times APRIL 3, 2004
You can still study medicine with arts degree
THE Graduate Medical School, which will open in 2006, will offer all degree holders a shot at taking another degree to become a doctor. Applicants do not need any background in science and their first degree need not be related to medicine either. It could even be in the arts.

Their suitability will be judged by their performance at an interview, said Professor Hui Kam Man, who is helping in planning the syllabus for the course.

The director of cellular and molecular research at the National Cancer Centre added: 'As they're more mature students who would be more inclined towards research than undergraduates, we'll hopefully produce a new breed of true clinician-scientists, which is missing here.'

The graduate school, to be situated in the Outram area, will be run jointly by the National University of Singapore and America's Duke University, known for its rigorous medical programme with a strong research focus. It will take in about 50 students, who will attend a five-year course. They will spend their entire third year doing research. They will graduate with a doctorate in medicine and be recognised as qualified medical doctors.

In a move that could also help Singapore's push to develop research in the life sciences, the cancer centre signed a memorandum of understanding (MOU) with the University College of London yesterday.

This is the first MOU the university, among the top four in Britain, has inked with a medical institution in Asia. It paves the way for collaboration in cancer research, teaching programmes and exchange of staff. The pact would help the London university's researchers study diseases that are more common in Asia.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright @ 2004 Singapore Press Holdings. All rights reserved.


cruel to the eye
i see the way he makes you smile
cruel to the eye
watching him hold what used to be mine

why did i lie
what did i walk away to find

i can't breathe easy
can't sleep at might
till you're by my side
no, i can't breathe easy
i can't dream yet another dream
without you lying next to me
there's no air

curse me inside
for every word that caused you to cry
curse me inside

i won't forget, no i won't baby
i don't know why
i left the one i was looking to find

out of my mind
nothing makes sense anymore
i want you back in my life
that's all i'm breathing for

tell me why

oh won't you tell me why

i can't dream yet another dream
without you lying by my side
there's no air

i can't breathe easy
can't sleep at night
till you're by my side
'cause i can't breathe easy

i can't dream yet another dream
without you lying next to me
there's no air

there's no air

ugh what a boring day. spent half of gp doing weights, not knowing there was a talk in lt4 till it was half over. took my routine nap in econs tutorial, watched a nice video in geog lecture (i think human geog is really the only bearable lesson) and copied notes conscientiously in math lect. went for canal run after that at 12:50pm. damned hot but i knew i probably wouldn't run if i didn't get it over and done with then. almost died, it was so freaking hot. played bball after that (i've been abstaining from bball for ages already, under orders from jiao lian and huilin) and realised that i hadn't deproved all that much, which is a relief really.

thanks gs for the talk and i hope things go back to normal after this. past few days weren't exactly the best days of my life and yes i think we've got everything sorted out so let's just move on from here yeah? love you. rowed cycled and did the swim thing later in fitness room for a little while before answering the plaintive call of weights from opposite. doing weights brings me great satisfaction. perhaps i really am strange after all.

and yes thank you for the walk... meandering through holland grove avenue through the private estates and stopping at three playgrounds to, of all things, do pullups... and the wonderful talk we had. it really helped to clear my mind i guess. i wonder how we ever found so much to say.

training tomorrow! great. i hope to do k2... i really don't relish the thought of wobbling along in a k1 anymore. sigh i wish i had better balance. ugh.

to you:
hey dear thanks a lot for everything. we could spend eternity talking. in fact, sometimes there isn't even a need for words.

***
so lately, i've been wondering
who will be there to take my place
when i'm gone, you'll need love
to light the shadows on your face
if a great wave shall fall
it would fall upon us all
and between the sand and stone
could you make it on your own

if i could, then i would
i'll go wherever you will go
way up high or down low
i'll go wherever you will go

and maybe, i'll find out
the way to make it back someday
to watch you, to guide you
through the darkest of your days
if a great wave shall fall
it would fall upon us all
well i hope there's someone out there
who can bring me back to you

run away with my heart
run away with my hope
run away with my love

i know now, just quite how
my life and love might still go on
in your heart and your mind
i'll stay with you for all of time

if i could turn back time
i'll go wherever you will go
if i could make you mine
i'll go wherever you will go
***

the calling \\ wherever you will go

and she takes another step
slowly she opens the door
check that he is sleeping
pick up all the broken glass
and furniture on the floor
been up half the night screaming
now it's time to get away
pack up the kids in the car
another bruise to try and hide
another alibi to write
another ditch in the road
you keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
wonder how I ever made it through

and there are children to think of
baby's asleep in the back seat
wonder how they'll ever make it
through this living nightmare
but the mind is an amazing thing
full of candy dreams and new toys
and another cheap hotel
two beds and a coffee machine
but there are groceries to buy
and she knows she'll have to go home

another ditch in the road
you keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
wonder how I ever made it through

another bruise to try and hide
another alibi to write
another lonely highway in the black of night
there's hope in the darkness
I know you're gonna make it

another ditch in the road
keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
silent fortress built to last
wonder how I ever made it

savage garden \\ two beds and a coffee machine

***
wonder how i'm going to make it through.

yesterday and today has been filled with inordinate amounts of melodrama and i'm just about going crazy.
what the hell. my life's a wreck and only i truly know what's really going on. the rest of you who pretend to know, or at least think you do... well you really don't. i've been pushing many thoughts to the back of my head, trying to forget about them but lately i've realised that maybe that isn't possible after all.

perhaps it's time to clear the skeletons from my closet?

anyway it was good spending time with you today. i could have stayed there forever. though yeah what happened later was really quite screwed up. but i guess no one ever knows how you or i might really feel. it's impossible to judge others when you haven't been in their position.

awwww screw this it's getting worse the more i try to sort it out.

hahaha i'm freaking amused at the things people search for that lead them to my blog!
some funny shit searched for this:
steps to get abs for teenage girls in 1 week (Google)
and somehow it linked itself to my blog. hmmmmm.

did i even mention anything close to that in the first place?
beats me. actually, perhaps i might have.

other topics which people searched for and yielded my blog:
HIGHLY POPULAR:
fredrik ljungberg
rjc canoeing
njc canoeing
raffles canoeing blogspot

some others:
photo of capsize steps (huh??)
2a13a
i need you song. calvin klein. (ehh.)

this IS fascinating.

hey best friend
i was just thinking about you and how we haven't gotten a decent chance to meet and just talk in so long. but thanks for always been there when i've needed you. you don't know how much your messages and your everlasting encouragement mean to me. maybe i've taken you for granted sometimes but i really want you to know that i love you and i hope that we'll be able to find the time to meet and talk things out.
thanks dear.

-fengyi [njc jan-mar 03a01]

been a year since i left nj for rj. and somehow i still think about it every so often. was it the right decision? i remember struggling like anything to choose between the two colleges. first three months in nj were heavenly, an experience unlike anything i'd ever had before. the fantastic classmates (03a01 v.1.0, you know who you are!), excellent ogls, 35th student council, great friends, aeriusaquaignissolaristerra, my four gorgeous eyecandies *snicker*, basketball, and even njcanoeing.

how could i ever forget those things? with people like liwei huifang zhiwei (ta-daa! the pootie family)... winnie, my first friend in a01, and even the funny folks like khalid and duckles! and of course my basketball-loving solaris houserep with the funky skaterboi shoes, cute braces and fab smile. ugh he was great too. hahaha provided me with tons of viewing pleasure, and hours of agonizing over how to possibly pilfer his photo from the solaris board. which i never got around to doing, but at least i got his number! hahaha thanks bestfriend -wink-

the numerous ccas i tried- canoeing softball touchrugby basketball dance (yes, dance, believe it or not... erps hiphop you asses) hmmm what else ahh. can't really remember. njcanoeing. oh god i've got positively vivid memories of fartlek runs, circuits with 3 sets of 20 exercises, and going round in circles in a t2 with wah ming one stormy day at kallang. and the handball games after training (which i'm convinced were a ploy to make innocent j1s think that playing handball was all they did for training, which really wasn't the case). and the inspirational talks (really!) by mr.yong with his perpetual half-shut eyes ,that made me really want to train hard. i still remember one particularly motivational quote: "when you are at your worst, you must be at your opponent's best" oh and just before chinese new year, when wenkai issued a threat during debriefs to the entire team that a single slice of bak kwa warranted 20 rounds around the track. the warmups and the runs and the j1s and the j2 seniors (oh god she's still so chio i can't take it anymore).

it's really good to reminisce about everything. i'll get back to it soon.

------------------------------------------------------------------
chionging k2 500m tmr. this race means the world to me.
psyche up, let's go.

fear of rejection keeps my heart at bay
things i'd rather not say
i'd rather haveyouclose
than never at all

-- maybe some things are better left unsaid.

leqi ordered me to blog, and so i shall be good, and do as i'm told.

end of common tests finally. gp was okay, eng relatively good, no comments about econs, math as usual (hopeless as hell) and geog generally doable. i actually enjoyed the human geog section quite a bit. i've got quite an affinity for human geog! if only the same would apply to my other subjects. carol chan was damn stoned this morning as a result of history overkill (the night before?) i keep picturing her glazed eyes in my mind. it's oddly haunting.

after geog i did something that i was rather pleased about. pretty fun too. a tad sneaky but no harm, only good intended! but i shan't reveal the specifics. hey if YOU're reading this (you should know who you are) i hope it was a nice surprise.

***
tell me, i guess that cupid was in disguise
the day you walked in and changed my life
i think it's amazing
the way that love can set you free

so now i walk in the midday sun
i never thought that my saviour would come
i think it's amazing
i think you're amazing
***

towning with my darling vania after geog paper. initially wanted to catch a show at lido but there wasn't anything particularly appealing so we went to HMV. spent quite a bit of time there, listened to george michael's amazing four times. i'm in love with that song! it's mesmerizing. and the track sorter was screwed up so i had to keep starting all over from the beginning of track 1. luckily it was only the second track so i amused myself looking at britney's and christina's albums. hah i'll never buy them (though i admit i do have a liking for toxic) and i hate christina.

unofficial training after that at kallang. arrived pretty early and was busying myself with pullups and dips. in the end the sji guys didn't turn up so leqi and i had jiao4 lian4's undivided attention which wasn't bad at all. and i've concluded i can never row an advantage k1. god.

going down to macritchie to try out the boats tmr. let's hope they aren't advantage boats. oh pleeeeease i don't want to capsize. what the hell. i'll row just the same anyway. checked out the schedule and namelist for sat's competition and realised that we have the last race of the day, conveniently timed to take place at precisely 5:33pm. shucks. oh well. and lane one again! well let's hope that's my lucky lane. only 4 lanes per heat, 2 heats for my event, first from each heat goes straight to finals and second and third to semis. i hope to avoid semis. ughhhh slacker! haha.

must start psyching up for saturday. it's my most important race so far for certain reasons that i have. and i know my partner feels the same. hey babe let's do it man. the way we always do -wink-.

yeeaaahhhh chiong ahhhh!
scfktwo500mhereicome!

this goes out to you--

kind of like a summer's breeze
you do exactly as you please
drop a brother to his knees just for fun
i think it was the first of may
girl i can't forget the day
right then and there i knew you were the one
do you think that possibly
you could spend your life with me
cuz girl this love is growing
and it's hotter than the sun

i get a little bit crazy, baby
everytime you call my name
my heart beats a little bit faster
after you are in my arms again
you try to fight it
don't even try to hide it
emotions falling down like the rain
I can't find the words to explain it
ain't it crazy how i fall
everytime you call my name

it's kind of like a work of art
you shot an arrow through my heart
even though we're worlds apart i can't deny
it feels like you're a part of me
the finish and the start of me
girl you are the heart of me
and that's no lie
did i mention that i love you so
and i just want the world to know
if i could you know i would
write your name across the sky

crazy, crazy
everytime that you're close to me
i lose control of my sanity
every night, everyday, every word that you say
girl do you know you put a spell on me

crazy
everytime you call my name
i don't know what to do
i'm so in love with you

javier \\ crazy


you make the world such a beautiful place.

oh my i've got so much to say that i don't know where to start.
first of all thank you everyone who was there cheering us on- you don't know how much you all mean to me. and thanks to the j1s for being so conscientious in wiping the boats, affixing the number plates, bringing food, washing boats, and all the other small things that we mightn't have noticed.

first race of the day was open women's k2 250m. quite jittery in the morning, i mean, we weren't even supposed to do 250s in the first place, but the protein bar and my trusty lifejacket no. 10 calmed me down quite a bit! luckily we had warmed up first by trying the racecourse and all. leqi and i were assigned lane 3. when the airhorn was blown we just chionged! gosh i don't even think there was much of a difference between our starts and maintenance. lost sight of the other boats out of the corner of my eye after the first few strokes, and that's when i knew we were going to win. the feeling of gliding through the finish line at top speed. god that sprint was over in a flash. but it really got the adrenalin pumping and the feeling of my first ever win in canoeing was exhilarating!

under-19 women t2 500m was great too. carol and i set out from the very start to claim the title which we didn't even come within sniffing distance of last year to some blatant cheats. this was probably the event i had the most confidence in, knowing that it was highly improbable that we'd have any chance of capsizing and unforseen wobbles. hahaha. surged forward from the very start, progressively widening the gap- gosh it was probably the best 500m i'd ever rowed in a t2. almost had the gliding feeling of a k2, that's how good it felt. it was a fantastic race too.

under-19 women k2 500m! my last race of the day and leqi and i were both determined to walk away with our third gold. man what else can i say but that we both went all out for that race. gave it all we had and we made our dream come true. take that, njc.

carol carol carol! god i still can't believe we managed to fulfill our dream of stopping paddling before the end... because we knew that nobody'd be able to catch us. well we did it. oh and sorry if i yelled at you haha. and we avenged our loss! way to go, girl! and congrats for t1 too. you rowed darn well. i'm really proud of you. love you.

thanks so much leqi for the beautiful 250m and 500m. we knew we'd do it right from the beginning, when we started training together. yet the results were more than i dared to fathom... the fact that we managed to beat the other boats by a couple of boatlengths as we'd wanted to all along and coming in with spectacular timings. even after the initial glitch in 500m heats we didn't let it affect us again and rowed most perfect races possible in the finals. see i told you we'd fly. us and RJC 13. and bananaman and rjc10. thank you thank you thank you. i love you, partner. we're gonna chiong for nat'l jnr kayaking c'ships. let's show them. you did great for k1 too! damn zai can. thrashing nj every step of the way.

girls: even though we didn't manage to hang on to the sdba title this year... we know that this year nj isn't out of our league! the nationals title isn't merely a dream, it's an achievable goal. let's work towards it. we can do it if we all train hard and focus. let's go!

first day of heats for SDBA.
t2 was good, k2 was good save for a minor screw-up
but things can only get better!

k2 250m open tmr. all psyched up and raring to go. last minute alteration from 500m to 250m but it's okay, we'll go all out all the same.

good job, all my teammates. you went out there and gave it your best. whatever the result was, i think you all deserve a pat on the back. we showed the other schools we're no pushover.
all the best for semis and finals.

to my t2 partner: oh god we fulfilled our dream of gliding through the finish. let's see if we can replicate that feat on sunday! no sweat man. oh, and sorry if i yelled at you. hahaha.

to my k2 partner: let's go out there and kick some ass! no more wobbles yeah? i've effectively erased that image from my mind and now all that's left is the prospect of rowing like there's no tomorrow. let's chiong all the way!


-- raffles canoeists --

raffles canoeists '04:
this is the curtain raiser, only the beginning of better things to come
let's give it our best shot.

we've been training for a year now. this is our first real opportunity to make things count, to make the countless trainings worth it. it's our chance to show others what we're truly made of, to justify the dedication to our sport.

girls
k1s: leqi, zhen, lyd
t1s: carol, mag
k2s: sheryl & gao shang, weiqi & mag, vania & shine, leqi & fengyi
t2s: vania & shine, carol & fengyi

let's go girls! let's kick ass out there! remember, all that we're going to think about from start to end is winning, and we'll not settle for anything less than that. this is what we've worked for since we began training, and we're not about to lose anything now.

guys
you can do it too! yeah i've got confidence that the entire team's going to put in all they have and row like it's their last race. that's all. we'll win this as raffles canoeists, as a college team. let's show the true rafflesian spirit.



and i'm thankful for the fact that i'll have you at the finish line with me.


the titles belong to us.

singing--- hey you! what do you want for your bday present huh? and you better keep in mind that you still owe me a certain m. wahlberg from our deal two years back. anyway a k1 is a single-seater racing kayak, and a k2 is a double-seater racing kayak. they're more streamlined, faster and generally more unstable than the T1 and T2, which are, as you would probably have deduced, a single-seater tourer and a double-seater tourer, respectively. and the kayaks have rudders for direction which is actually quite a good thing, except that i can't seem to use them properly.

ugh just watched the first half of the second leg of the bayern-real match. thanks mag for the wake-up call! heheh. zidane's goal was beautifully opportunistic! bayern defence sleeping! anyway i have nothing but highest respect for zidane, think he's a brilliant player. you wouldn't be able to expect anything less from the world player of the year! casillas made a couple of swell stops as well... smothering makaay's first attempt, ze roberto's blistering shot, and denying makaay just before the break!

that being said, i'm still a fervent FC Bayern supporter.

go Bayern Munich!

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1. the thought of doing k2 with gao shang
2. a-level math
3. gao shang, generally.

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
1. the canoeists!
2. quan when she regales me with horror stories of her one and only canoeing experience.
3. jiao4 lian4

THREE THINGS/PEOPLE I LOVE:
1. vania (on pain of death, i shall put this down)
2. rowing k2
3. you.

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. why shit happens
2. why i can't balance in a k1
3. why stuff disappears from my locker.

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
1. a mess
2. a big mess
3. a REALLY BIG mess.

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
1. typing this
2. discussing possibilities of an orgy with gao shang
3. feeling disgusted at my audacity

THREE THINGS I DO BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP :
1. visualization!
2. pee.
3. no need to do much before i fall asleep in gp, actually.

THREE COLORS I LIKE:
1. red
2. white
3. grey
(fine i'm still an nj loyalist when it comes to their school colors)

THREE THINGS I CAN DO WITHOUT THE HELP OF OTHERS:
1. make pinchuan unable to believe his ears twice within the space of a few minutes (really sorry if i traumatised you, pc)
2. capsize in a k1
3. make people feel guilty about stuffing their faces

THREE WAYS PEOPLE DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY:
1. screwed up
2. strange
3. gym rat.

THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
1. lick my elbow
2. change the way i am
3. say what i really want to say to whoever i want to say it to

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
1. me
2. your parents
3. the government.

THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO
EVER:
1. econs lectures in general
2. gao shang
3. liars.

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
1. "i'll be going to the weights room while you stuff your face at ghim moh..."
2. "you're strange"
3. "screw you, gao shang"

THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
now this is difficult. they aren't exactly absolute favorites, just healthy favorites. haha.
1. oatmeal
2. rj yong tau foo
3. subway anythings

THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
1. teenage mutant ninja turtles
2. sesame street
3. all the disney crap.

lao shi owes us a treat now! the entire class got at least a B for ao chinese! whoopee. heheh got A1 for chinese at last! makes the past year of cheena-ness worth it, i guess. think of the breaks i could have had... stuffing my face at ghim moh or working out at the weights room (according to quan, she thinks i'd rather eat shit and die than do the former). haha. quite an improvement from promos' B4 (and that was only because lao shi took away five marks for every zuo4 wen1 we conveniently neglected to submit, and i didn't hand in two). oh well.

man i'm damn inspired by the j3 canoeing girls! congrats to them for doing so well. so many of them got 4As, and laymay's really good! haha okay i'm aiming for what she achieved. poo which means i'll have to mug my ass off and train like hell. but i'll try.

ugh unofficial training at kallang today, which only carol, lyd, vania and i went for. the three of them ended school at 12:30pm and left straightaway! so i had to cab down myself at 2pm (damn damn pissed! cab fare was ten f**cking bucks! i'm how broke now can). wasted lots of time moving a k2 and k1 around before i could open the paddle cupboard, and when i opened it i realised i couldn't find my paddle. so i tried the lifejacket cupboard, and lo and behold it was there! ughhhh. so i had to move the damned k2 back by myself which was no easy feat. haha but don't worry i didn't handle it roughly or anything... it's RJC 13 which happens to be mine and leqi's competition k2! heheh. then all of a sudden the neurotic guy in charge of sdba (i think) appeared... (the one who reported us to bp for coming down on sun before) and i was damn freaked in case he asked me what i was doing. anyway he keeps on calling me "boy". he called me that twice before. ass.

so anyway i had to pootle around for five minutes pretending to check the boats and shit like that. made a run for it (which wasn't very fast considering the fact that i was shouldering a k1 at the same time) when his back was turned, wobbled to the shore and quickly launched. awful! haha.

sheesh realised i have awful sense of balance. can't do starts in a k1 properly without wobbling! the furthest i made it was twenty-eight hard strokes during starts, and then came a mighty wobble. most unnerving. haha. dang. think i'll have to work on balance. oh well. haha gao shang appeared at the end of our training... at old sdba! from near the dragonboat docking area anyone could almost see up her skirt... but shhhh. ughhh just kidding! i'm not THAT twisted that i wanna look up her skirt... i have better things to do (like look up other people's skirts...) haha!anyway it was a nice surprise. heheh.

ugh boring day as usual. save for one funny bit in the morning during eng lecture when we were watching the tape of a passage to india. evans paused the film at a scene he found particularly thought-provoking, which happened to be one where the camera panned in on a signpost in the Indian city with place names like trafalgar square etc, all the english colonialist shit. he asked "so what's the significance of this particular scene?" then you could hear the expected snatches of mumbled replies like "to show the domination the colonialists have over india blah blah". must have been the lacklustre response that prompted him to venture one step further and ask, in his usual sneering drawl "does singapore have anything of the sort? using silly inappropriate english names?" suddenly from the back, a voice piped up, loud enough for the whole LT to hear:

"yes they do! Evans Rd!"

good one, aaron! ;)

boy i never knew canoeing was chockfull of sexual innuendoes and double entrendres! till yesterday. when leqi related a conversation she had with marcus and leslie that had us in stitches, while leaving weiqi in mock horror. (c'mon wq i know you're as corrupted as us all so quit protesting your innocence)

marcus: i love fengyi!
leqi: i love fengyi too! she's my partner! (she meant k2 partner, you freaks.)
leslie: errrr. partner? so how often do you do it?
leqi: well we go at it twice, maybe three times a week. depends on how things are. not under our control.
leslie: so how do you both do it?
leqi: hmmm one in front and one at the back...
leslie: so what's it like?
leqi: we start real fast, like real hard and fast, but things mellow down after the initial high and we keep it at that rate, constant and steady for the bulk of the time, but towards the end we go all out again!
leslie: and so do you like it?
leqi: it's fantastic! i love doing it!

and so the conversation went...

ugh we were all just thinking of other ways we could well, sex up the image of canoe practice and someone came up with the idea that yeah, we even use protection all the time! (in the form of life jackets, you jerks). if i remember correctly, gs was rather animated and lively during this conversation. well it's normal, since this IS her element after all. and who else could be half as experienced but her?

well yes and i guess canoeing DOES get you all hot sweaty and bothered. not forgetting the incredible wetness. and the glorious thrill of skimming over the water coupled with the adrenaline rush of rowing and winning every race... does it deserve to rank up there with "orgasmic"? hmm.


god i can't hardly wait till the next time. we could just keep going on and on... ;)



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hey
if we can't find a way out of these problems
then maybe we don't need this
standing face to face
enemies at war we build defences
and secret hiding places

i might need you to hold me tonight
i might need you to say it's alright
i might need you to make the first stand
because tonight i'm finding it hard to be your man

hey
more than angry words i hate this silence
it's getting so loud
well i want to scream
but bitterness has silenced these emotions
it's getting hard to breathe

so tell me isn't happiness
worth more than a gold diamond ring
i'm willing to do anything
to calm the storm in my heart
i've never been the praying kind
but lately i've been down upon my knees
not looking for a miracle
just a reason to believe

i might need you to hold me tonight
i might need you to say it's alright
i might need you to make the first stand
because tonight i'm finding it hard to be your man

do you remember not long ago
when we used to live for the nighttime
cherish each moment
now we don't live we exist
we just run through our lives
so alone
that's why you've got to hold me

hey
if we can't find a way out of these problems
then maybe we don't need this
standing face to face
enemies at war we build defences
and secret hiding places

i might need you to hold me tonight
i might need you to say it's alright
i might need you to make the first stand
because tonight i'm finding it hard to be your man

savage garden :: hold me
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
to you: well i don't know if you know how special you are to me. and i don't dare to find out just yet. i guess some things are just better left unsaid. i don't want to ruin the thing we have going right now...

okay i've linked leqi's album containing indoor rowing photos!
check it out on the right column under "snapshots!"


RJC 01 team photo. from right: shuyi, me, philip, leqi.

[RJC 01] national indoor rowing c'ships 2004


WE DID IT!


WE ACHIEVED WHAT WE SET OUT TO DO FROM THE VERY START.
WE SAID WE WOULDN'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN FIRST PLACE
AND LOOK, HERE WE ARE.
=============================================================

to my first rower and newfound friend, shuyi:
thanks dude! you were awesome! it's been a pleasure getting to know you too. now you're no longer one of the faceless, nameless entities of rj but someone i actually know and appreciate. you provided our team with a great start and hey, you didn't fall off your seat either! thanks so much man.

especially for my second rower, beloved k2 partner and fab pal, leqi:
oh god what can i say. you were wonderful. thanks for the psychological and physical support! you're always there when i need you. i absolutely love rowing with you. let's translate our success here into similar ones on the water! sdba in three weeks let's show the world what we're made of. we can do it we're gonna thrash nj. have faith (and more protein bars haha). i love you.

and this goes out to my fourth rower and great friend, philip:
hey man! okay there's nothing i can say that you don't already know. you were fantastic. you single-handedly maneuvered us into first place. i admire your fighting spirit! and thanks for getting us all so psyched up. you're the one who had the belief that we'd be able to clinch the title and not just settle for second best. thanks for the motivation. keep the spirit alive for sdba and nationals!

well,RJC01, we truly lived up to our name. it's been an honour rowing with you, shuyi. you, leqi. and you, philip. thanks once again.




=============================================================

man i'm dead on my feet after an entire day of machine rowing! only found out that i was entered in the indiv1000m race at 4am this morning. not surprisingly, i was unable to go back to sleep after that. wasn't really prepared for the 1000m as i hadn't rowed anything close to that amount since the totaldefence day race. and i only realised that i hadn't adjusted my resistance until 4 seconds to start! awful! was leading for first 500m but wasn't able to sustain and dropped to 3rd. oh well. anyway i managed to better my timing by 4seconds, to 4:04min. wasn't really chionging for 1000m, conserving precious energy for the mixed relay later.

which was a good idea.

heats were not bad. we managed to sustain a pretty decent lead throughout the race which was good. finished with a timing of 7:08min. managed to slash our previous timing by 22sec! marvelous huh. and gao shang took nice pictures of us rowing! woohoo.

finals were awesome, courtesy of philip. in second place throughout from the start, till the last 500m where philip just gave it his all and shot us past the throwers to first position. we definitely couldn't have done it without him. the feeling of capturing the title was exhilarating, pure ecstasy, something i want over and over again.

leqi and i were absolutely euphoric! took lots of pictures that i'll post someday when she sends them to me. great day. got so much more than i bargained for. rj totally dominated the entire competition haha. i mean, 16 rj teams contrasted with a smattering of teams from other schools! rather amusing, really. makes us seem super-enthusiastic.

well it was a great time to get to know others better as well as a time to bond with the canoeists. thanks everyone who was cheering us on, and huilin i admire your strength and tenacity to row out that agonizing 2000m! wonderful senior you are. thanks especially to qing and xy who came down to support us! gosh i owe you two a big treat! hey tell me when you guys are free yeah. we need to do a spot of catching-up as well! went out with brandon chengshi shuyi and leqi after that, caught "along came polly" before leaving for home.

good job to all the fellow rj rowers! the trackers, throwers, shuttlers, air rifle ppl, odac ppl, ssc ppl and all else... and in particular the canoeists, the people i've truly gone through thick and thin with. let's go all out for SDBA! three weeks to the championships. only a couple more trainings left... let's make the most out of them!



we're not just going there to compete
we're going to WIN!

there used to be a greying tower alone on the sea
you became the light on the dark side of me
love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill
but did you know that when it snows
my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen

baby i compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
ooh, the more i get of you
stranger it feels, yeah
and now that your rose is in bloom
a light hits the gloom on the grey

there is so much a man can tell you
so much he can say
you remain my power, my pleasure, my pain
baby to me you're like a growing addiction that i can't deny
won't you tell me is that healthy, baby
but did you know that when it snows
my eyes become large
and the light that you shine can be seen

baby i compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
ooh, the more i get of you
stranger it feels, yeah
and now that your rose is in bloom
a light hits the gloom on the grey

i've been kissed by a rose on the grey
i've been kissed by a rose
i've been kissed by a rose on the grey
and if i should fall along the way
i've been kissed by a rose
been kissed by a rose on the grey

there is so much a man can tell you
so much he can say
you remain my power, my pleasure, my pain
baby to me you're like a growing addiction that i can't deny
won't you tell me is that healthy, baby
but did you know that when it snows
my eyes become large
and the light that you shine can be seen

baby i compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
ooh, the more i get of you
stranger it feels, yeah
and now that your rose is in bloom
a light hits the gloom on the grey
yes i compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
ooh, the more i get of you
stranger it feels, yeah

and now that your rose is in bloom
a light hits the gloom on the grey
now that your rose is in bloom
a light hits the gloom on the grey

seal \\ kiss from a rose

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

weiqi, this song's for you! you're right, it IS a unbelievable song. i can't stop myself from playing it over and over now.

shall blog about the events over the past few days.

fri
total defence day celebrations! was too psyched up the whole day over machine rowing which was only going to take place in the afternoon. quite nervous initially, because of the throwers we were up against. seeing aaron having to be helped off the machine after his 2000m race kind of made me wary of what was going to happen later. gosh i died rowing 1km. i guess you don't really feel it when you're on the rowing machine pulling like hell on the cable, until you get off, or try to get off. the four minutes eight seconds i was on the rower felt like an eternity. the figures went by so slowly i could have given up any time. i'm thankful i didn't or i would never have forgiven myself for that. i guess i was in a trance-like state for most of the race, eyes fixed on the mini lcd screen, not even bothering to look up at the projection screen where you could see computerized positions of the boats, that i didn't even know i was catching up with audry.

anyway i just died totally after the race. couldn't even drag myself off the machine, gao shang had to somehow unentangle me from the seat and manouvre me off. couldn't move for a whole five minutes after that. now i know what it's like to have leaden legs. and apparently my lips were blue during and after the race. man. after i finally got up i wobbled downstairs to the canteen (backwards down the stairs, it's easier that way) and up again. anyway i'm totally in awe of michelle! she beat me by an entire ten seconds. nothing but total respect. anyway i'm glad that i managed 2nd.

relay was good too! i was just raring to go and you could just see the look of intense concentration of aaron's face just before the race started. he handed us a good lead that we managed to maintain and that philip even widened. i think i much prefer sprinting over shorter distances like 500m to stupid 1k races. we were so happy with our time of 7min 30sec and our 2nd position again. (as expected, the throwers were in a league of their own). thanks aaron, leqi and philip. you guys were great! canoeists' never-say-die spirit. look forward to next sunday's relay! let's make sure we get something out of that. oh and kudos to all the other canoeists who were cheering us on during our relay! we were doing the same for you too. let's keep the team spirit going.

sat
training in the morning which i always look forward to. k2 with leqi, extremely good as usual. challenged to a 250m race with a j3 in a t1, whom we promptly beat by a substantial distance. hope he got a kick out of that, because we sure did. hey canoeists check this link out... there's a picture of jiao4 lian4 and his full name! haha the fact that nobody ever seems to know his full name dawned on us the other day.
anyway we had a blast after training at kenny rogers' at suntec... pictures speak a thousand words, so wait for me to put pictures up when sheryl and zhen send them to me. let's just say some of them are rather dubious photos that will have you doubting our principles (or lack thereof). and many of them feature someone's ample assets. *wink gs* i think i shall sign off now. eyes are killing me.

till then...

think i better leave right now
before i fall any deeper
think i better leave right now
i'm feeling weaker and weaker
somebody better show me how
before i fall any deeper


i think i'd better leave right now.

as usual, leqi, it was a pleasure rowing with you today. thanks partner.

leqi and i both agree wholeheartedly that there should be a 2km event. it's fabulous on the return 1km leg. indescribable feeling- the adrenaline rush and being secure in the knowledge that you'll be able to catch any boat that's in front of you, given the 1000m leeway you have. but too bad that there isn't 2km! so we'll just have to settle for shorter distances. water was pretty bad today, wind so overwhelmingly blustery, that we found it extremely difficult to paddle, but it was a good chance to get used to inclement weather conditions. you'll never know what raceday conditions will be like. the 500m practices and starts were good too. it was one of those training sessions that i felt were very fruitful and worth the while. anyway we can only get better. mag, weiqi, hope you guys get well soon. and don't worry too much, there's still time.

i'm really psyched up for sdba c'ships. gunning for the title.
i'll give it all i've got. i'll train till all my strength's drained.
i'm not alone in this.

it's a beautiful feeling, knowing the whole team's with you.

|[raffles canoeists :: 2003-2004]|

man i haven't heard this song for ages! was doing weights in bishan gym on monday when i heard the familiar strains on perfect 10... it's a pretty nice song.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
constantly girl you're on my mind
girl i think about you all of the time
and even no words are hard to say
girl i miss you, never thought i'd feel this way

if you keep on taking
my heart you'll be breaking
so why do you do this to me
you know how i'm feeling
it's you i believe in
baby can't you see that i need you

you know that it's true
every time i see your face i miss you lady
you know that it's you
i wanna let you know you're driving me crazy
i'd do anything to help you to see
i don't think you understand what you're doing to me
you know that it's true
every now and then i wanna call you lately
you know that it's you
i send a prayer that you'll come back to me lady
oh yeah
i feel anything alone, can't you see
you're an angel in my eyes
everyday you're closer to me

nobody's there when i call your name
and nights are cold girl without your flame
nights are cold girl without your flame
but if i could girl i'd make you see
i'd make you see, yeah
that i'm sorry
------------------------------------------------------------------------
five closer to me

just finished my econs essay on market failure, and i realised i didn't lose my notes after all! they were just filed away somewhere under "mathematics", which is probably why it took me so long to find them. weights training today (what's new?), pretty uneventful, and intervals after that. i was down with a bout of flu (sore throat, one blocked and one runny nostril, quite disconcerting really) but still did the 2 x 2.4km with 12min rest in between. haha was quite worried initially about all those horror stories where fit people just drop dead because they overexert when they're sick, but still pushed myself to run anyway. managed 13.04min for first 2.4 and 13.20min for the next one. at least i didn't feel too sick when i was running. hopefully i can slash my timing when i get better... was far from top form! i guess i don't ever want to miss training because every session really counts a lot, and i'm perpetually afraid my standard will deterioriate (it's so much easier to lose it all than build it up) if i miss training. it's become an integral part of my life. i could even go as far as to say that i absolutely love training, but then people will just think i'm weird, which is what they probably already do. well perhaps they're right. i was just thinking to myself that canoeing's such an important part of my life that i just want to continue even after As. oh and besides, i never want to hear stray whispers from my juniors "hey look! she's gone all fat and pasty!" if i come back to visit. NEVER. pasty is disgusting. eurrgghh. i don't want to be reduced to a pale, viscous, gently pulsating glob of lard. gross.

well anyway, as i was saying, training's extremely important to me! i love pushing myself to my limit. it just gives me that adrenaline rush and immense sense of satisfaction which is irreplaceable. i'm looking forward to SDBA invitationals. let's go all out and thrash everyone else man. everyone says gold for nationals isn't attainable, that nj's too strong. well they might be stronger, but we're not going to give up without a fight. raffles all the way man! let's prove to everyone that we can be as good, if not better, than them. why can't we, anyway?

man i'm all psyched up, and it's the middle of the night.

hmm. better go sleep now. long day tomorrow with soccer practice!

blog sometime again haha.

to my utmost horror, i've realised that i actually think the song "toxic" by britney spears is damn good! well okay maybe not damn good, but still good! ah whatever.

stuff's been pretty good lately. lots of j1 girls seem to be interested in canoeing, and those who came down on monday were a pretty nice bunch. and one of them can even do 2 pullups! yeahh we need that sort. let's hope that they stay on then. unfortunately after introductions and all i've already acquired an awful reputation as Porn Director (courtesy of gao shang, my Porn Star). screw you, gao shang. whichever way you want it.

after 2.4km timed trial yesterday, i've suddenly found the long-lost motivation to run. aiming for a 12min flat run but it'll take some time. but at least i'm getting there! did about a total of 7km today which is alright i guess.

my hair sucks can.

kept nodding off during tutorials today. especially during evans' classes. tried to keep on writing in my semi-conscious state just so hopefully he wouldn't notice my shut eyelids, and after i more or less woke up i realised it was all a bunch of gibberish. during one of these episodes during eng lecture i almost wrote a rather dubious word down, then jerked awake and caught myself just in time. sheesh.

did weights during chinese break today (finally there's no chinese for me any longer!) which was altogether very satisfying. threw in sets of dumbbell flys in between and now lyd thinks i'm crazy. then again, everyone thinks the canoeists are crazy (well perhaps i'm the craziest of them all) and so i don't give a shit.

had better do stuff for girls' soccer. haven't had practice in ages! which reminds me that i haven't played basketball in eons as well. anyway some ass poached my basketball from my locker during the hols (the one i got for my birthday and signed by the nygeppers) and i have absolutely no clue who it might be. oh and that's not all. the dude was so kind as to leave me a rotten grey volleyball in place. yeah i guess i ought to be appreciative, but it's hard, understandably.

been mugging. really have to hit the books early this year. i've got so much j1 stuff that hasn't really been cleared, and econs 's' to handle as well! ugh. i shall be a chao mugger this year. my life revolves solely around canoeing and studies. no life! at least canoeing is undoubtebly very fulfilling. it's a welcome break from mugging, which is why i like training so much. and the team is great!

***
to sheryl weiqi leqi lyd zhen carol vania mag shine and... err. gaoshang ;)
hello my teammates! just to let you guys know, you make my life so much better!
train hard while mugging hard as well and we're gonna take the sdba championships just like last year!
if you need me, i'll be in the back seat! ;)

love you guys so much
-fengyi
***
someday somehow gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when

fuck those rumours. it's been an awful day and it's not getting any better.

==========================================
loose lips sunk ships
i'm getting to grips
with what you said
no it's not in my head
i can't awaken the dead
day after day

why don't we talk about it
why do you always doubt
that there can be a better way
it doesn't make me wanna stay

why don't we break up
there's nothing left to say
i've got my eyes shut
praying they won't stray
and we're not sexed up
that's what makes the difference today
i hope you blow away

you say we're fatally flawed
well i'm easily bored
is that okay
write me off your list
make this the last kiss
i'll walk away

why don't we talk about it
i'm only here don't shout it
given time we'll forget
let's pretend we never met

why don't we break up
there's nothing left to say
i've got my eyes shut
praying they won't stray
and when i'm sexed up
that's what makes the difference today
i hope you blow away

screw you
i didn't like your taste anyway
i chose you
and that's all gone to waste
it's saturday
i'll go out
and find another you

why don't we

why don't we break up
there's nothing left to say
i've got my eyes shut
praying they won't stray
and when i'm sexed up
that's what makes the difference today
i hope you blow away
i hope you blow away
i hope you blow away

away
blow away
==========================================

robbie williams sexed up