is that really the case? am i all that incapable of what i believed i was able to achieve before?

perhaps it was never me, maybe it was always them.

whatever it is, i never want to be perceived as latching on to someone and basking in undeserved glory. god i resent whatever he said. i'm going to row like anything, make it so that there'll never be any reason to say that ever again. i'm sorry. i have my pride, and faith in my ability, and i simply can't take those words lying down.

dammit the title is mine. ours. regardless of whether i have to push you for every stroke, scream myself hoarse, row till my back breaks, go through blood sweat and tears, press on despite the burning lactic acid, and even if i have to single-handedly propel the boat forwards with my last ounce of energy, i'll do it. whatever it takes. i'm not stopping at anything.

until we cross the finishing line, turn back, and know that we're first.

that's when i'll know i've finished the race, done my duty as a Raffles Canoeist, and, most of all, know that i've achieved what was my only goal all along.

it was a good feeling to be rowing at macritchie again. what a glorious way to have spent a sunday morning, in our beautiful k2, enjoying the tranquility of the freshwater (which is much more than you can say for kallang), doing ten kilometres at our super low frequency, and feeling the breeze as we do the return laps. i wouldn't mind doing this for a long time to come. nevertheless, it admittedly takes a lot of commitment after what we've heard today (weekday morning training from 0630 to 07++ hrs?) and there's always the all-important issue of studies. i'll give it my best shot and see how it goes.

but of course i am immensely thankful for this opportunity. all along it's been a dream? and now i'm one step closer to it. even though there are numerous inconveniences and headaches like the ever-problematic paddles (FOUR people -and counting- have already unwittingly grabbed on to my paddle shaft while on the bus, thinking it was a pole) and the issue of time. but i guess it's worth it.

and of course, thank you for the fantastic morning.

more photos along the right column under "painting the town red" ;)... mainly pictures of post-scf chillout at nydc and fuzion. haha. can't be bothered to blog anymore for now. ciao!

okay PHOTOS are finally uploaded - under raffles canoeing 03-04. or you can click here.

contains pictures from scf 1st nat'l jnr kayaking c'ships at macritchie on 27-28 march 2004. will be uploading post-c'ships photos soon! ugh uploading pics takes a hell of a long time. till then.

training today was pretty good! thanks sheryl. you know what i've told you... and yeah let's just keep that in mind and we'll both train hard. anyway we're both in the same boat when it comes to this (ugh how lame). thanks gs for the wonderful talk at ghim moh. i really enjoyed it and glad things are this way again. maybe we'll buy cheng tng for vania next week! to the whole girls team: man you lot make my life so much better. thanks for everything. and to you- haha nah you didn't dao me. it's your smile which keeps me going. though we're not k2ing together any longer (for now), what difference does it make? i know you'll always be there.

and so will i. let's go.

***
to the sunset of your glory where my heart and future lies
there's nothing like that feeling when i look into your eyes
***

you would know, it would be clear
that angels brought me here

in the media centre now blogging while someone's reading cleo just a couple of metres away. i haven't blogged in a real long time- partly because i just don't feel like getting round to it, and also because i haven't had much chance to use the home computer which keeps screwing itself up at every available opportunity. today's a super hot tuesday! will probably mug a bit later and then do weights at 5pm when there won't be any good company around.

sigh i really don't have much to say right now. and i think i could probably spend the time up to 5pm more fruitfully with someone else.

later.

maybe i'll still be able to realise my dreams of studying medicine. who knows?

The Straits Times APRIL 3, 2004
You can still study medicine with arts degree
THE Graduate Medical School, which will open in 2006, will offer all degree holders a shot at taking another degree to become a doctor. Applicants do not need any background in science and their first degree need not be related to medicine either. It could even be in the arts.

Their suitability will be judged by their performance at an interview, said Professor Hui Kam Man, who is helping in planning the syllabus for the course.

The director of cellular and molecular research at the National Cancer Centre added: 'As they're more mature students who would be more inclined towards research than undergraduates, we'll hopefully produce a new breed of true clinician-scientists, which is missing here.'

The graduate school, to be situated in the Outram area, will be run jointly by the National University of Singapore and America's Duke University, known for its rigorous medical programme with a strong research focus. It will take in about 50 students, who will attend a five-year course. They will spend their entire third year doing research. They will graduate with a doctorate in medicine and be recognised as qualified medical doctors.

In a move that could also help Singapore's push to develop research in the life sciences, the cancer centre signed a memorandum of understanding (MOU) with the University College of London yesterday.

This is the first MOU the university, among the top four in Britain, has inked with a medical institution in Asia. It paves the way for collaboration in cancer research, teaching programmes and exchange of staff. The pact would help the London university's researchers study diseases that are more common in Asia.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright @ 2004 Singapore Press Holdings. All rights reserved.


cruel to the eye
i see the way he makes you smile
cruel to the eye
watching him hold what used to be mine

why did i lie
what did i walk away to find

i can't breathe easy
can't sleep at might
till you're by my side
no, i can't breathe easy
i can't dream yet another dream
without you lying next to me
there's no air

curse me inside
for every word that caused you to cry
curse me inside

i won't forget, no i won't baby
i don't know why
i left the one i was looking to find

out of my mind
nothing makes sense anymore
i want you back in my life
that's all i'm breathing for

tell me why

oh won't you tell me why

i can't dream yet another dream
without you lying by my side
there's no air

i can't breathe easy
can't sleep at night
till you're by my side
'cause i can't breathe easy

i can't dream yet another dream
without you lying next to me
there's no air

there's no air

ugh what a boring day. spent half of gp doing weights, not knowing there was a talk in lt4 till it was half over. took my routine nap in econs tutorial, watched a nice video in geog lecture (i think human geog is really the only bearable lesson) and copied notes conscientiously in math lect. went for canal run after that at 12:50pm. damned hot but i knew i probably wouldn't run if i didn't get it over and done with then. almost died, it was so freaking hot. played bball after that (i've been abstaining from bball for ages already, under orders from jiao lian and huilin) and realised that i hadn't deproved all that much, which is a relief really.

thanks gs for the talk and i hope things go back to normal after this. past few days weren't exactly the best days of my life and yes i think we've got everything sorted out so let's just move on from here yeah? love you. rowed cycled and did the swim thing later in fitness room for a little while before answering the plaintive call of weights from opposite. doing weights brings me great satisfaction. perhaps i really am strange after all.

and yes thank you for the walk... meandering through holland grove avenue through the private estates and stopping at three playgrounds to, of all things, do pullups... and the wonderful talk we had. it really helped to clear my mind i guess. i wonder how we ever found so much to say.

training tomorrow! great. i hope to do k2... i really don't relish the thought of wobbling along in a k1 anymore. sigh i wish i had better balance. ugh.

to you:
hey dear thanks a lot for everything. we could spend eternity talking. in fact, sometimes there isn't even a need for words.

***
so lately, i've been wondering
who will be there to take my place
when i'm gone, you'll need love
to light the shadows on your face
if a great wave shall fall
it would fall upon us all
and between the sand and stone
could you make it on your own

if i could, then i would
i'll go wherever you will go
way up high or down low
i'll go wherever you will go

and maybe, i'll find out
the way to make it back someday
to watch you, to guide you
through the darkest of your days
if a great wave shall fall
it would fall upon us all
well i hope there's someone out there
who can bring me back to you

run away with my heart
run away with my hope
run away with my love

i know now, just quite how
my life and love might still go on
in your heart and your mind
i'll stay with you for all of time

if i could turn back time
i'll go wherever you will go
if i could make you mine
i'll go wherever you will go
***

the calling \\ wherever you will go