time manipulates your heart preconceptions torn apart begin to doubt my state of mind

but i won't go down on what i said i won't retract convictions read i may perplex but i'm not blind

today was, to put it frankly, shit.
rainy morning which dampened my mood immediately.
at least taboo smackdown was fun. sometimes i'm really thankful for 2a13a. maybe i haven't treasured you guys enough but i will now.
the dratted dreary lectures and tutorials in all their mundane glory.
crap.
yongtaufoo stall owner on a hiatus! what an absolute calamity. but nothing compared to everything else.
math tutorial. i don't know. i ought to be glad that for once i'm on track and maybe even ahead in math, my most hated subject, but somehow i was so spent during the tutorial. as in, i just couldn't be bothered.
screw that.
so f*cked during the canal run. damn i suspect i've got gastric and the pain was awful.
oh god, weights. going through the repetitive motions of loading, lifting, releasing, resting.

and then i heard some things i'd be better off not knowing.
how long can i possibly live in denial? how much longer can i go on thinking that it'll happen when the sad f*cking truth is that it won't? oh for god's sake snap out of it you ass.

so take all this noise into your brain and send it back again i'll bear the cost, shed my skin, call you up and then i'll say the words out loud

but there's one thing i need to know.
where are you? where have you been? everything was good a month ago. i could have gone on like that. but all of a sudden it's snatched away just like that. you say nothing's changed. but from the look of it, things have. do you have to keep me in the dark like that? what happened? can't we even talk any more? there's this distance between us and try as i might, i can't seem to bridge it. you're just too far away.
f*ck i can handle it. come on, hit me with the stinging reality. i'll take it as it is, and i'll try my best to pretend that i'm fine. really.

you could resurrect a thousand words to deceive me more and more a thousand words will give the reasons why i don't need you anymore

there's this gaping void in my life that's growing day by day. bloody hell. what's f*cking changed?

maybe you can't lose what you never had.

i'll say the words out loud i'll say a thousand words or more

just as long as you know that i'll never forget. though it was all in the space of a few fleeting weeks. thank you for those moments. the conversations, the walks. even the silence, when words weren't necessary. can we ever go back there? i don't know. could we possibly?

manipulation. fabrication. conversation. annihilation.
i'll say a thousand words or more

damnation. frustration. elevation. procreation.
i'll say a thousand words or more

a thousand words will give the reasons why i don't need you anymore.