this is how cool, please. spot me! 

after twelve hours of solid digging we all felt like sinking into a hole in the ground, which is what we did.  

section 3 hard at work digging the fire trench. i think i'm the hopelessly inept one tickling the soil in the middle.  

scruffy cadets taking a break from trench digging. shit i look like i'm frantically hunting for food. see those biscuits? man i love them hahaha anything rocks compared to non-Muslim Pack No. 5  

just some photos from passing-out ceremony, about a month or so ago. i've only just had time to upload them now heh.

she's the most notorious sleeper you could ever find.  

maureen and i! this is a nice one 

GUARDS, hopefully. ;] 

our PC and his P! capt rudy's the best! 

HAHAHA JANIE LEONG I MISS YOU SO MUCH  

me and the fish.  

after the passing-out ceremony 

in the sierra wing project room checking my mail and trying in vain to log in to my miw account. as far as i know, it isn't working yet. three days into service term in OCS army and it's been okay so far. i've been ingesting too much chocolate too, which isn't exactly the best thing to be doing. i really can't wait for friday when i'll get to book out! haven't inhaled civilian air in ages and ages, haven't used any money save for buying a foolscap pad at the OCS gift shop, haven't been able to sleep on my bed in a long while. we had a 6km endurance run this morning which wasn't half bad save for the "stairway to heaven", a rather inappropriately-named flight of steps, the top of which you can't see from the bottom. anyway i almost perished there but luckily i didn't which is why i'm still typing this now. sometimes i wonder why i stayed in army haha GUARDS some more i'm just going to keel over and faint now hahaha.

after the run we had signals lecture. for an awfully long time, only breaking for lunch. hope i don't fail my signals prac on thurs! that's one vocation i'll never consider, immediately after WSO C3. well i guess it's better than sitting in a training shed, SBO and all, having technical handling lessons with the M203 or SAW or some other vaguely incomprehensible weapon. but that'll all be happening next week so i better enjoy my relatively sedentary lifestyle while it lasts. oh well.

walking towards sdba and hearing the faraway cheers and halting announcements through the speakers i thought everything seemed so familiar. the race programmes pinned up haphazardly on the makeshift notice boards, timings scrawled on them in black ink, surrounded by a bevy of people eager to know their school's latest standings (as well as their rivals' tallies). canoeists dressed in their school colours huddled round the stone pier intensely gazing at the start point a kilometre away, the unmistakable smell of banana boat sunblock permeating the air and of course jiao lian in his broad brimmed hat and (poseur) oakley shades. gardenia raisin loaf strewn around the heap of bags on the groundsheet (a faint reminder of army- the groundsheets i mean) together with the occasional bunch of bananas and glucolin peeking out of NTUC fairprice plastic bags.

one year since 9th sdba invitationals and everything's just the way it was. just that now there're new boats, new races, new canoeists. gone are the days where i'd scrutinise the race programmes and discover much to my chagrin (and amusement) that the hwachong pair (elin and hwee lin) were in my race again. somehow i kind of miss canoeing. competing. the lactic acid, the thrill of reaching the buoys first, even the sunblock stinging my eyes. the anticipation of the starting command and the elation of victory. it all seems so distant now. i'd love to race again. though right now it's so hard to commit to canoeing because of army and all that crap. but somehow i know i'll get through that and return to where i think i ought to be- in a k2, racing and ultimately, just hopefully even, winning.

after a week of fresh air and a brief hiatus from the regimentality of military life, i'm not looking forward to booking in tonight. back to sierra wing and all it stands for- turnouts, water parades, change parades, full battle order. undoubtedly, there will be good times too. OCS will be a new experience. on another note, i need to lose weight after piling on the pounds during the melbourne trip. i've rediscovered my predisposition to bread&butter puddings, profiteroles, chocolate cheesecakes and the like after brunetti's on lygon street and crown's amazing cafe greco. back to the life of an ascetic in OCS! the only indulgence i'll allow myself to will be six fruits per meal per day. hahaha.

seriously i wonder who's that funky ol' geezer who awarded me a Merit for three hours of random scribblings loosely based on economics. Must've overloaded on mince pies and gin and tonics during the x'mas period. God bless his soul!

happy with my results save for GP's B3. bloody hell! i think there's something suspect about the way in which the languages have been graded this year. for both the Os and the As. anyway no use kicking up a fuss about that right now. all that's left now is to wait for the US uni admission decisions. northwestern and duke, i'm waiting! penn's damn competitive but still crossing my fingers yup.

POP's in less than a week. after that, common leadership phase and i might be off to air wing in OCS, or staying firmly rooted in sierra wing. i'm still torn between Guards in Army and WSO (air defence artillery)in RSAF. not sure if i wanna chiong suah so much more hahahaha and the change parades and turn-outs oh man those really take the cake. it's been a good 9 weeks so far. haha.

+++
Now it seems to me
That you know just what to say
But words are only words
Can you show me something else

Can you swear to me
That you'll always be this way
Show me how you feel
More than ever baby

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want another lover at my door
It's just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't wanna be lonely anymore
Whoa, whoa, ho, oh whoa

Now it's hard for me
When my heart's still on the mend
Open up to me
Like you do your girlfriends

And you sing to me and it's hardly
Girl what you do to me is everything
Make me say anything just to get you back again
Why can't we just try

What if I was good to you
What if you were good to me
What if I could hold you till
I feel you move inside of me

What if it was paradise
And what if we were symphonies
What if I give all my life to
Find some way to stand beside you

I don't wanna be lonely anymore
+++

rob thomas \\ lonely no more

this is such a slack week, finally i get to book out for more than a day at a time! groan but without 5BX and other healthful pursuits, and the deluge of chinese new year goodies that i'm going to be stuffing myself with, i daresay i'll just die of fatness when i book in again on friday morning. so far life in Safti has been good- the weeks are starting to fly by. we mainly did individual field craft (IFC) last week and the days just sped by, quite unlike the first couple of weeks when time just seemed to drag on and on. it's my 5th week now- to think that POP is in about a month's time! and we just took off our lanyards three weeks ago. man.

i guess it's an entirely different lifestyle here, but one that i find myself adapting to more and more as the days go by. anyway i'm the cadet platoon commander for this week (please ma'am... this week ONLY) and oh sheesh haha i have to be on my toes all the time and scream like anything just to get everyone down on time. military life is fascinating- there're many stories and many experiences which i've gone through, from our platoon owing our instructors 610 (!!!!!) pushups for 61 mistakes during area cleaning inspection (one mistake = 10 pushups) (as of now we've repaid 460 of them, only have 150 to return phew) to being tekan-ed by merciless PTIs during SOC training. it's one hell of an experience- while girls our ages are blowing their money on makeup, we're scrutinizing the $3.50 tag on green and black camouflage cream at the SAFTI giftshop and wondering if we can get a better deal elsewhere.

changing parade just before initiation ceremony- where we were awakened at 4am by seniors and made to change from long four to pt kit to vest and slacks in ridiculously short periods of time. and of course field pack inspection, which included us emptying our packs in 1min15sec and repacking them in the same amount of time. and of course the inclined chin-ups and pushups everyday before every meal- which i must say has resulted in all of us showing tremendous improvement.

life's good here. save for the fact that my helmet presses unceasingly around my skull and when we're in full battle order the ET stick on the right of my field pack drums out a jaunty rhythm on my head with every step i take during the route march. and i'm just waiting for the day i can don a beret. if i stay in army, hopefully, a khaki one.

baby won't you tell me
why there is sadness in your eyes
i don't wanna say goodbye to you
love is one big illusion i should try to forget
but there is something left in my head

you're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
i'm the one who's feeling lost right now
now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head

i won't forget the way you're kissing
the feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
but i'm not the man your heart is missing
that's why you go away, i know

you were never satisfied no matter how i tried
now you wanna say goodbye to me
love is one big illusion i should try to forget
there is something left in my head

yes i know
i won't forget the way you're kissing
the feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
but i'm not the man your heart is missing
that's why you go away, i know

sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
don't know which way to go
there ain't so much to say now between us
there ain't so much for you
there ain't so much for me anymore

that's why you go away, i know

MLTR that's why you go away

HELLO I'M AT SAFTI MI LIBRARY NOW! oh man oh man this is awesome you don't know how to treasure swivel chairs and computers till you haven't seen them in a while! anyway i've got to fall in at 1500h so i really don't have much time now. hope everyone's having a great time, whether at school, work, training or whatever. life's not bad here- getting used to the military life. but oh gosh i simply abhor foot drills. they're just shit la. my 2.4 sucks now can i think i haven't run that sort of distance in like years- its either 10km long run or 1.5km. hahaha. my timing is 13.12min can die la. anyway i hope it'll improve soon.

oh those of you who'd like to see what safti MI is like, can come visit on 22nd Jan. but please submit your names and NRIC nos. to me via sms. I can only check my hp (non-camera, argh) at nights. the batt's been holding out pretty well so far.

they feed us too well here ugh think im expanding exponentially. i won't see the inside of a weights room for a long time to come (we don't have time to do other things besides our training schedule you see)and im scared to throw hand grenade cos i have sweaty palms hahaha!

seen a lot of ppl here. j4 canoeist cheng xun, national canoeist wing kuen, nj j4 canoeist daniel seng.. haha think i'll see more in the days to come!

okay my assistant platoon commander is peering at the screen as she ambles past. better go off now. 5minutes to fall in! haha. take care y'all. ;)

one last week of civilian life- then it's off to SAFTI MI for 10weeks of BMT. awesome. i can't wait. haha it's been strange telling people "hey i'm enlisting next week" because they all give me sorta puzzled looks. but i guess that's understandable. it hasn't been an easy decision to make- i've loved my time in The New Paper. some things i'll never forget, like the insane amounts of food at The Cage, Coyote3 and LotusNotes (weird computer programmes which the newspaper ppl are supposed to use), fretting over offstone times, the dreaded calls from night editors regarding finicky details of stories, counting cm of story length... man it's been fantastic. and of course the people- the interns, colleagues and supervisors.

the perennial question from us interns-
us (interns): "How long should this story be?"

the perennial answer from melvin singh-
melvin: "You should never ask a lady how old. You should never ask a guy how long."

erps.

man i'll miss it. newsy news. talking to weird divorcees. going down to yishun with deurbon chow and watching him perch precariously atop a bus stop bench just to get the perfect shot for my first byline. thanks man. my very first article. TNP office party with lotsa booze and potatoes. adeline and her kwon sang woo. my very long leisurely lunches with mag (luckily they pay us at a daily rate hahaha!).

its funny how you learn so much in a month. i think i've picked up more than when i was in school, which only goes to show what an utter waste of time math was in JC. hahaha.


***
how the hell did we wind up like this
why weren't we able
to see the signs that we missed
and try to turn the tables

i wish you'd unclench your fists
and unpack your suitcase
lately there's been too much of this
don't think it's too late

nothing's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday i will

someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when
(you're the only one who knows that)
someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when

well i hoped that since we're here anyway
we could end up saying
things we've always needed to say
so we could end up stringing

now the story's played out like this
just like a paperback novel
let's rewrite an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror

nothing's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday i will

someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when
(you're the only one who knows that)
someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when

nickelback [someday]
***
you really are the only one who knows that.
it'll be like this for a long time to come.