and she takes another step
slowly she opens the door
check that he is sleeping
pick up all the broken glass
and furniture on the floor
been up half the night screaming
now it's time to get away
pack up the kids in the car
another bruise to try and hide
another alibi to write
another ditch in the road
you keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
wonder how I ever made it through

and there are children to think of
baby's asleep in the back seat
wonder how they'll ever make it
through this living nightmare
but the mind is an amazing thing
full of candy dreams and new toys
and another cheap hotel
two beds and a coffee machine
but there are groceries to buy
and she knows she'll have to go home

another ditch in the road
you keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
wonder how I ever made it through

another bruise to try and hide
another alibi to write
another lonely highway in the black of night
there's hope in the darkness
I know you're gonna make it

another ditch in the road
keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
silent fortress built to last
wonder how I ever made it

savage garden \\ two beds and a coffee machine

***
wonder how i'm going to make it through.

yesterday and today has been filled with inordinate amounts of melodrama and i'm just about going crazy.
what the hell. my life's a wreck and only i truly know what's really going on. the rest of you who pretend to know, or at least think you do... well you really don't. i've been pushing many thoughts to the back of my head, trying to forget about them but lately i've realised that maybe that isn't possible after all.

perhaps it's time to clear the skeletons from my closet?

anyway it was good spending time with you today. i could have stayed there forever. though yeah what happened later was really quite screwed up. but i guess no one ever knows how you or i might really feel. it's impossible to judge others when you haven't been in their position.

awwww screw this it's getting worse the more i try to sort it out.

hahaha i'm freaking amused at the things people search for that lead them to my blog!
some funny shit searched for this:
steps to get abs for teenage girls in 1 week (Google)
and somehow it linked itself to my blog. hmmmmm.

did i even mention anything close to that in the first place?
beats me. actually, perhaps i might have.

other topics which people searched for and yielded my blog:
HIGHLY POPULAR:
fredrik ljungberg
rjc canoeing
njc canoeing
raffles canoeing blogspot

some others:
photo of capsize steps (huh??)
2a13a
i need you song. calvin klein. (ehh.)

this IS fascinating.

hey best friend
i was just thinking about you and how we haven't gotten a decent chance to meet and just talk in so long. but thanks for always been there when i've needed you. you don't know how much your messages and your everlasting encouragement mean to me. maybe i've taken you for granted sometimes but i really want you to know that i love you and i hope that we'll be able to find the time to meet and talk things out.
thanks dear.

-fengyi [njc jan-mar 03a01]

been a year since i left nj for rj. and somehow i still think about it every so often. was it the right decision? i remember struggling like anything to choose between the two colleges. first three months in nj were heavenly, an experience unlike anything i'd ever had before. the fantastic classmates (03a01 v.1.0, you know who you are!), excellent ogls, 35th student council, great friends, aeriusaquaignissolaristerra, my four gorgeous eyecandies *snicker*, basketball, and even njcanoeing.

how could i ever forget those things? with people like liwei huifang zhiwei (ta-daa! the pootie family)... winnie, my first friend in a01, and even the funny folks like khalid and duckles! and of course my basketball-loving solaris houserep with the funky skaterboi shoes, cute braces and fab smile. ugh he was great too. hahaha provided me with tons of viewing pleasure, and hours of agonizing over how to possibly pilfer his photo from the solaris board. which i never got around to doing, but at least i got his number! hahaha thanks bestfriend -wink-

the numerous ccas i tried- canoeing softball touchrugby basketball dance (yes, dance, believe it or not... erps hiphop you asses) hmmm what else ahh. can't really remember. njcanoeing. oh god i've got positively vivid memories of fartlek runs, circuits with 3 sets of 20 exercises, and going round in circles in a t2 with wah ming one stormy day at kallang. and the handball games after training (which i'm convinced were a ploy to make innocent j1s think that playing handball was all they did for training, which really wasn't the case). and the inspirational talks (really!) by mr.yong with his perpetual half-shut eyes ,that made me really want to train hard. i still remember one particularly motivational quote: "when you are at your worst, you must be at your opponent's best" oh and just before chinese new year, when wenkai issued a threat during debriefs to the entire team that a single slice of bak kwa warranted 20 rounds around the track. the warmups and the runs and the j1s and the j2 seniors (oh god she's still so chio i can't take it anymore).

it's really good to reminisce about everything. i'll get back to it soon.

------------------------------------------------------------------
chionging k2 500m tmr. this race means the world to me.
psyche up, let's go.

fear of rejection keeps my heart at bay
things i'd rather not say
i'd rather haveyouclose
than never at all

-- maybe some things are better left unsaid.

leqi ordered me to blog, and so i shall be good, and do as i'm told.

end of common tests finally. gp was okay, eng relatively good, no comments about econs, math as usual (hopeless as hell) and geog generally doable. i actually enjoyed the human geog section quite a bit. i've got quite an affinity for human geog! if only the same would apply to my other subjects. carol chan was damn stoned this morning as a result of history overkill (the night before?) i keep picturing her glazed eyes in my mind. it's oddly haunting.

after geog i did something that i was rather pleased about. pretty fun too. a tad sneaky but no harm, only good intended! but i shan't reveal the specifics. hey if YOU're reading this (you should know who you are) i hope it was a nice surprise.

***
tell me, i guess that cupid was in disguise
the day you walked in and changed my life
i think it's amazing
the way that love can set you free

so now i walk in the midday sun
i never thought that my saviour would come
i think it's amazing
i think you're amazing
***

towning with my darling vania after geog paper. initially wanted to catch a show at lido but there wasn't anything particularly appealing so we went to HMV. spent quite a bit of time there, listened to george michael's amazing four times. i'm in love with that song! it's mesmerizing. and the track sorter was screwed up so i had to keep starting all over from the beginning of track 1. luckily it was only the second track so i amused myself looking at britney's and christina's albums. hah i'll never buy them (though i admit i do have a liking for toxic) and i hate christina.

unofficial training after that at kallang. arrived pretty early and was busying myself with pullups and dips. in the end the sji guys didn't turn up so leqi and i had jiao4 lian4's undivided attention which wasn't bad at all. and i've concluded i can never row an advantage k1. god.

going down to macritchie to try out the boats tmr. let's hope they aren't advantage boats. oh pleeeeease i don't want to capsize. what the hell. i'll row just the same anyway. checked out the schedule and namelist for sat's competition and realised that we have the last race of the day, conveniently timed to take place at precisely 5:33pm. shucks. oh well. and lane one again! well let's hope that's my lucky lane. only 4 lanes per heat, 2 heats for my event, first from each heat goes straight to finals and second and third to semis. i hope to avoid semis. ughhhh slacker! haha.

must start psyching up for saturday. it's my most important race so far for certain reasons that i have. and i know my partner feels the same. hey babe let's do it man. the way we always do -wink-.

yeeaaahhhh chiong ahhhh!
scfktwo500mhereicome!

this goes out to you--

kind of like a summer's breeze
you do exactly as you please
drop a brother to his knees just for fun
i think it was the first of may
girl i can't forget the day
right then and there i knew you were the one
do you think that possibly
you could spend your life with me
cuz girl this love is growing
and it's hotter than the sun

i get a little bit crazy, baby
everytime you call my name
my heart beats a little bit faster
after you are in my arms again
you try to fight it
don't even try to hide it
emotions falling down like the rain
I can't find the words to explain it
ain't it crazy how i fall
everytime you call my name

it's kind of like a work of art
you shot an arrow through my heart
even though we're worlds apart i can't deny
it feels like you're a part of me
the finish and the start of me
girl you are the heart of me
and that's no lie
did i mention that i love you so
and i just want the world to know
if i could you know i would
write your name across the sky

crazy, crazy
everytime that you're close to me
i lose control of my sanity
every night, everyday, every word that you say
girl do you know you put a spell on me

crazy
everytime you call my name
i don't know what to do
i'm so in love with you

javier \\ crazy


you make the world such a beautiful place.

oh my i've got so much to say that i don't know where to start.
first of all thank you everyone who was there cheering us on- you don't know how much you all mean to me. and thanks to the j1s for being so conscientious in wiping the boats, affixing the number plates, bringing food, washing boats, and all the other small things that we mightn't have noticed.

first race of the day was open women's k2 250m. quite jittery in the morning, i mean, we weren't even supposed to do 250s in the first place, but the protein bar and my trusty lifejacket no. 10 calmed me down quite a bit! luckily we had warmed up first by trying the racecourse and all. leqi and i were assigned lane 3. when the airhorn was blown we just chionged! gosh i don't even think there was much of a difference between our starts and maintenance. lost sight of the other boats out of the corner of my eye after the first few strokes, and that's when i knew we were going to win. the feeling of gliding through the finish line at top speed. god that sprint was over in a flash. but it really got the adrenalin pumping and the feeling of my first ever win in canoeing was exhilarating!

under-19 women t2 500m was great too. carol and i set out from the very start to claim the title which we didn't even come within sniffing distance of last year to some blatant cheats. this was probably the event i had the most confidence in, knowing that it was highly improbable that we'd have any chance of capsizing and unforseen wobbles. hahaha. surged forward from the very start, progressively widening the gap- gosh it was probably the best 500m i'd ever rowed in a t2. almost had the gliding feeling of a k2, that's how good it felt. it was a fantastic race too.

under-19 women k2 500m! my last race of the day and leqi and i were both determined to walk away with our third gold. man what else can i say but that we both went all out for that race. gave it all we had and we made our dream come true. take that, njc.

carol carol carol! god i still can't believe we managed to fulfill our dream of stopping paddling before the end... because we knew that nobody'd be able to catch us. well we did it. oh and sorry if i yelled at you haha. and we avenged our loss! way to go, girl! and congrats for t1 too. you rowed darn well. i'm really proud of you. love you.

thanks so much leqi for the beautiful 250m and 500m. we knew we'd do it right from the beginning, when we started training together. yet the results were more than i dared to fathom... the fact that we managed to beat the other boats by a couple of boatlengths as we'd wanted to all along and coming in with spectacular timings. even after the initial glitch in 500m heats we didn't let it affect us again and rowed most perfect races possible in the finals. see i told you we'd fly. us and RJC 13. and bananaman and rjc10. thank you thank you thank you. i love you, partner. we're gonna chiong for nat'l jnr kayaking c'ships. let's show them. you did great for k1 too! damn zai can. thrashing nj every step of the way.

girls: even though we didn't manage to hang on to the sdba title this year... we know that this year nj isn't out of our league! the nationals title isn't merely a dream, it's an achievable goal. let's work towards it. we can do it if we all train hard and focus. let's go!

first day of heats for SDBA.
t2 was good, k2 was good save for a minor screw-up
but things can only get better!

k2 250m open tmr. all psyched up and raring to go. last minute alteration from 500m to 250m but it's okay, we'll go all out all the same.

good job, all my teammates. you went out there and gave it your best. whatever the result was, i think you all deserve a pat on the back. we showed the other schools we're no pushover.
all the best for semis and finals.

to my t2 partner: oh god we fulfilled our dream of gliding through the finish. let's see if we can replicate that feat on sunday! no sweat man. oh, and sorry if i yelled at you. hahaha.

to my k2 partner: let's go out there and kick some ass! no more wobbles yeah? i've effectively erased that image from my mind and now all that's left is the prospect of rowing like there's no tomorrow. let's chiong all the way!


-- raffles canoeists --

raffles canoeists '04:
this is the curtain raiser, only the beginning of better things to come
let's give it our best shot.

we've been training for a year now. this is our first real opportunity to make things count, to make the countless trainings worth it. it's our chance to show others what we're truly made of, to justify the dedication to our sport.

girls
k1s: leqi, zhen, lyd
t1s: carol, mag
k2s: sheryl & gao shang, weiqi & mag, vania & shine, leqi & fengyi
t2s: vania & shine, carol & fengyi

let's go girls! let's kick ass out there! remember, all that we're going to think about from start to end is winning, and we'll not settle for anything less than that. this is what we've worked for since we began training, and we're not about to lose anything now.

guys
you can do it too! yeah i've got confidence that the entire team's going to put in all they have and row like it's their last race. that's all. we'll win this as raffles canoeists, as a college team. let's show the true rafflesian spirit.



and i'm thankful for the fact that i'll have you at the finish line with me.


the titles belong to us.

singing--- hey you! what do you want for your bday present huh? and you better keep in mind that you still owe me a certain m. wahlberg from our deal two years back. anyway a k1 is a single-seater racing kayak, and a k2 is a double-seater racing kayak. they're more streamlined, faster and generally more unstable than the T1 and T2, which are, as you would probably have deduced, a single-seater tourer and a double-seater tourer, respectively. and the kayaks have rudders for direction which is actually quite a good thing, except that i can't seem to use them properly.

ugh just watched the first half of the second leg of the bayern-real match. thanks mag for the wake-up call! heheh. zidane's goal was beautifully opportunistic! bayern defence sleeping! anyway i have nothing but highest respect for zidane, think he's a brilliant player. you wouldn't be able to expect anything less from the world player of the year! casillas made a couple of swell stops as well... smothering makaay's first attempt, ze roberto's blistering shot, and denying makaay just before the break!

that being said, i'm still a fervent FC Bayern supporter.

go Bayern Munich!

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1. the thought of doing k2 with gao shang
2. a-level math
3. gao shang, generally.

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
1. the canoeists!
2. quan when she regales me with horror stories of her one and only canoeing experience.
3. jiao4 lian4

THREE THINGS/PEOPLE I LOVE:
1. vania (on pain of death, i shall put this down)
2. rowing k2
3. you.

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. why shit happens
2. why i can't balance in a k1
3. why stuff disappears from my locker.

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
1. a mess
2. a big mess
3. a REALLY BIG mess.

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
1. typing this
2. discussing possibilities of an orgy with gao shang
3. feeling disgusted at my audacity

THREE THINGS I DO BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP :
1. visualization!
2. pee.
3. no need to do much before i fall asleep in gp, actually.

THREE COLORS I LIKE:
1. red
2. white
3. grey
(fine i'm still an nj loyalist when it comes to their school colors)

THREE THINGS I CAN DO WITHOUT THE HELP OF OTHERS:
1. make pinchuan unable to believe his ears twice within the space of a few minutes (really sorry if i traumatised you, pc)
2. capsize in a k1
3. make people feel guilty about stuffing their faces

THREE WAYS PEOPLE DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY:
1. screwed up
2. strange
3. gym rat.

THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
1. lick my elbow
2. change the way i am
3. say what i really want to say to whoever i want to say it to

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
1. me
2. your parents
3. the government.

THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO
EVER:
1. econs lectures in general
2. gao shang
3. liars.

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
1. "i'll be going to the weights room while you stuff your face at ghim moh..."
2. "you're strange"
3. "screw you, gao shang"

THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
now this is difficult. they aren't exactly absolute favorites, just healthy favorites. haha.
1. oatmeal
2. rj yong tau foo
3. subway anythings

THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
1. teenage mutant ninja turtles
2. sesame street
3. all the disney crap.

lao shi owes us a treat now! the entire class got at least a B for ao chinese! whoopee. heheh got A1 for chinese at last! makes the past year of cheena-ness worth it, i guess. think of the breaks i could have had... stuffing my face at ghim moh or working out at the weights room (according to quan, she thinks i'd rather eat shit and die than do the former). haha. quite an improvement from promos' B4 (and that was only because lao shi took away five marks for every zuo4 wen1 we conveniently neglected to submit, and i didn't hand in two). oh well.

man i'm damn inspired by the j3 canoeing girls! congrats to them for doing so well. so many of them got 4As, and laymay's really good! haha okay i'm aiming for what she achieved. poo which means i'll have to mug my ass off and train like hell. but i'll try.

ugh unofficial training at kallang today, which only carol, lyd, vania and i went for. the three of them ended school at 12:30pm and left straightaway! so i had to cab down myself at 2pm (damn damn pissed! cab fare was ten f**cking bucks! i'm how broke now can). wasted lots of time moving a k2 and k1 around before i could open the paddle cupboard, and when i opened it i realised i couldn't find my paddle. so i tried the lifejacket cupboard, and lo and behold it was there! ughhhh. so i had to move the damned k2 back by myself which was no easy feat. haha but don't worry i didn't handle it roughly or anything... it's RJC 13 which happens to be mine and leqi's competition k2! heheh. then all of a sudden the neurotic guy in charge of sdba (i think) appeared... (the one who reported us to bp for coming down on sun before) and i was damn freaked in case he asked me what i was doing. anyway he keeps on calling me "boy". he called me that twice before. ass.

so anyway i had to pootle around for five minutes pretending to check the boats and shit like that. made a run for it (which wasn't very fast considering the fact that i was shouldering a k1 at the same time) when his back was turned, wobbled to the shore and quickly launched. awful! haha.

sheesh realised i have awful sense of balance. can't do starts in a k1 properly without wobbling! the furthest i made it was twenty-eight hard strokes during starts, and then came a mighty wobble. most unnerving. haha. dang. think i'll have to work on balance. oh well. haha gao shang appeared at the end of our training... at old sdba! from near the dragonboat docking area anyone could almost see up her skirt... but shhhh. ughhh just kidding! i'm not THAT twisted that i wanna look up her skirt... i have better things to do (like look up other people's skirts...) haha!anyway it was a nice surprise. heheh.

ugh boring day as usual. save for one funny bit in the morning during eng lecture when we were watching the tape of a passage to india. evans paused the film at a scene he found particularly thought-provoking, which happened to be one where the camera panned in on a signpost in the Indian city with place names like trafalgar square etc, all the english colonialist shit. he asked "so what's the significance of this particular scene?" then you could hear the expected snatches of mumbled replies like "to show the domination the colonialists have over india blah blah". must have been the lacklustre response that prompted him to venture one step further and ask, in his usual sneering drawl "does singapore have anything of the sort? using silly inappropriate english names?" suddenly from the back, a voice piped up, loud enough for the whole LT to hear:

"yes they do! Evans Rd!"

good one, aaron! ;)